Kissing some Presbyterian Meme

Some DORK actually developed a meme specifically for Presbyterian Church (USA) folks. So, only to not crush his geeky little ego, and since he's the boss of me, I guess I'll participate.

The rules are pretty basic

• in about 25 words each, answer the following five questions;
• tag five presbyterian bloggers and send them a note to let them know they were tagged;
• be sure to link or send a trackback to this post;

presbyMEME 5

1. What is your earliest memory of being distinctly Presbyterian?
   Here's the thing. I'm not Presbyterian. I'm only doing this so I don't get fired. If I ever feel distinctly Presbyterian, however, you'll be the first to know. I did go here in college - does that help?
   
2. On what issue/question should the PC(USA) spend LESS energy and time?
   I think all denominations need to get out of self-preservation mode. They're all on the decline - get over it. Stop trying to save yourselves and realize that the only way to be first is to be last.
   
3. On what issue/question should the PC(USA) spend MORE energy and time?
   I would like to see any denomination that has the resources that the PC(USA) has spend them on how they can truly bring the Kingdom of God to this world, feeing the poor, healing the sick, bringing value to those whom society has cast out.
   
4. If you could have the PC(USA) focus on one passage of scripture for a entire year, what would it be? John 15:1-8 1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

   5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

5. If the PC(USA) were an animal what would it be and why?
   Is ostrich with their head in the sand too harsh?

Extra Credit: Jesus shows up at General Assembly this year, what does he say to the Presbyterian Church (USA)?

Jesus doesn't go to meetings. He told me.

Tagging 5 Presbyterian bloggers....Hmmm...Ok. Kind of don't know 5 Presbyterian Bloggers. I know Ladyburg. She can do it. Who else? Hmmm... I know Presbyterians and I know Bloggers, but I don't know Presbyterian Bloggers. Do you see my dilemma? I'll try Cheesehead, although I don't know for sure if she's Presbyterian or not. Yeah, I'm out. If you're a Presbyterian, though, and you read this, consider yourself tagged.

It pays to sit next to the folks in Loss Prevention

Today I took a little lunch break to stimulate the economy over at our Flag Ship Store. Not too much, mind you - I'm being careful about that, but just a couple of things I actually did need. One of the items was a pair of brown dress pants that were on a pretty deep sale. As I left the store, I set off the alarm, but no one stopped me and I assumed that they forgot to desensitize one of the soft tags, because that's what we're using now in almost all of our clothes. When I got back to the office I was transferring my items from one bag to another and I noticed that there was one of those actual plastic sensors on the leg of my pants. Blast! Fortunately for me, I'm two cubes down from the on-site rep for that company and she had the thing to take the sensor off my pants. Another good day at the Khaki Khonglomerate.

PS - I went up to this "Tea" thing we had to celebrate a new brand store opening in London and totally unwittingly cut in a huge line and grabbed some shortbread. Yikes - sorry!

Easter @ Mission Bay

The Wikipedia Wormhole

Does anyone else do this? I suppose I am giving away my lack of interwebs savvy, but one of my favorite things to do is to go to Wikipedia and look up stuff, like films, actors, authors, cities, etc. This evening, after I watched All About Eve on TCM, I decided to look it up and after using my FAVE Firefox add-on, the Cool Iris, to look up several of the cast members and director, I was led to German actresses, writers, and after reading the tragic life story of Peter Lewellyn Davies, I ended up at Huntington's Disease. Just me?

Friday Five Time Change

Our first week of Daylight savings is under our belts and with an early Easter Season, time seems to be moving very quickly. This week's Friday Five from RevGals is one centered on time:

1. If you could travel to any historical time period, which would it be, and why?

Probably the antebellum through Reconstruction South - fascinating time in history.

2. What futuristic/science fiction development would you most like to see?

Jet packs

3. Which do you enjoy more: remembering the past, or dreaming for the future?

I'm a dream for the future girl.

4. What do you find most memorable about this year's Lent?

The conversations with God and the centered feeling of intentionally taking time to meditate each day

5. How will you spend your time during this upcoming Holy Week? What part do you look forward to most?

More of the same, really - reading, meditation. I have grand plans for various services around the city but I don't know if those will happen or not.

Ever wonder where they keep the most incompetent people in the world?

Never fear, I have found them and the good news is that they're keeping them all in one place. CPS Human Resources is the home of the World's Most Incompetent People, rivaling the DMV and the Post Office for worst customer service rating.

I had the great privilege of spending today, my one year anniversary at the Khaki Khonglomerate, becoming a Notary Public - well, beginning the process at least. After spending a soul-killing 6 hours in a "class" with Harris, a seasoned notary who has encountered every kind of notarizing anomaly and has handled them all with ethical adroitness befitting the office. We finished the course at four and our class of well over 100 was put in the hands of the folks at CPS for the purposes of proctoring our 30-question exam. The room-clearing and registration process took an infuriating hour and twenty minutes because of their bumbling, shuffling, disorganized incompetence. There were only 3 people there to handle our group, and they claimed that 2 of them didn't show. Not. Our. Problem.

It would be fine spiritual remuneration for me to have not passed because of my serious case of test rage, but it was truly awful and if in another 4 years when my commission expires and I have to do the whole thing over again, I may just quit.

Off the Radar

This weekend was chill and wonderful and I went off the radar and enjoyed some relaxing me time. I get one of these Saturdays about 4 times a year, so I cherish them when they come aroud. I've decided that henceforth, unless absolutely necessary, I will no longer make plans for Friday nights. I don't like to be obligated to go anywhere after a week of working and other events. I am tired. I want to chill and clean out the DVR, so - memo to my adoring fans: Friday nights are MINE!

Saturday was errands, cleaning and laundry. Sunday was church, baking and a Law & Order marathon. Tonight the Lilster is coming up from LA and we'll have a girls night watching our favorite '80s comedy, Big Business.

I absolutely revel in these weekends of solitude and leisurly-paced life tending. Based on some of my conversations with God this Lenten season, I feel that I won't always have these little luxuries. This is a year of change for me, to what extent I only have a small hint.

As I languished this morning in my time change fog, I was reveling in my weekend and reading my daily Lenten meditaiton from Small Surrenders and the last sentence hit me - Is my heart open to God's transforming love? Mmmm...maybe. For years I have said yes to that question, with a clear view toward being formed in the image of Christ and a desire to deepen my relationship with God. Now, as God is asking me to stretch my definition of transforming love, I'm finding myself in a place of trepidation. As I don't know what this is going to bring or change, I'm realizing that it's not as easy to surrender now as it has been in times past and I'm working on digging deeper into those issues. Suffice it to say I am trying to enjoy the time I have and be open to what may come. Spring forward.

Seriously - CUTEST BABIES EVER

MUNI Etiquette Question

Let's say you're on the N Judah coming home from work in the evening. You're lucky enough to have a seat, because you get on before most of the thundering herds. As more and more people crowd on there are several who are standing directly in front of you - in close proximity to your face. When, if at all, is it appropriate for you to tell the gentleman in front of you that his fly is open?

Reactions to the Weekend

Last weekend I was in Portland, OR, for the Women's Convergence meeting and I've been processing my thoughts about the event since. I'm still not sure that I'm done with that, but here are my thoughts so far:

1. First, let me begin by saying that I met some freaking awesome women. Beth and Traci made it all worth it. I loved Angie from The Bridge. I didn't get her e-mail, so if any of you have her info, please send it on. Thanks. There was definitely a desire to worship and serve God, and there was an emphasis on actively showing the love of God by serving the poor and marginalized.

2. It was very generationally diverse, but not at all ethnically diverse. That surprised me, given that Oregon isn't exactly a haven of white power. I was really grateful, however, for the perspectives of the older women there and to see how they resonated with what could be considered a "younger" model of ministry and worship. Many times, the ethnically diverse groups are of the same generation - hopefully some day we can find a way to achieve both. The one African-American woman there, Donna (need her e-mail too) commented on the various shades of white, which was pretty funny.

3. For me - and this is only for me - there is a fine line between supporting someone in their pain and assisting someone in marinating in their pain. At some points, I feel the line was crossed. Yes, we need a safe place to express our pain and feel supported and encouraged. For me, that's in a one-on-one relationship like spiritual direction or therapy. There were times at this event when it seemed like some of the women had been holding in all their issue for the express purpose of vomiting them out in public at this event. It made me feel sorry for them that they don't have any sort of outlet in their regular life and I hope they took advantage of the spiritual direction sessions that were offered. Also, many of these women already knew each other and I was really the outsider, so this may very well be part of their normal gatherings.

4. I was also not into being asked to focus on rejection during communion. Actually, no - that's not what communion is about for me. Jesus was rejected by people but that really wasn't the purpose for his death. And, because of God's grace, I've moved to a place of healing from my rejection and don't need to keep coming back to it. I would prefer to celebrate the redemption of inequality and the supportive people (especially men) who we have in our lives rather than the idiots who try to keep us from expressing who we are.

5. I can be inspired by the life of a woman who did not grow up in a dung heap. We heard a lot of stories about women around the world who have beaten horrific odds or who are still in the midst of difficult circumstances and have survived and even triumphed.* The stories that were the best were of the women from around the world, particularly Africa, who live in a constant state of ebullient hope, regardless of circumstances. At camps, retreats, and other religious gatherings there is a phenomenon called "Top That Testimony." Not unlike other competitive sports, it involves trying to top the levels of debauchery displayed in the previous stories to show how merciful God is as to have brought the person out of it. I am not suggesting in any way that the stories we heard were fabricated. I am suggesting that stories don't need to contain the most extreme poverty, abuse, violence, etc., to be inspiring. Here's the thing - if "inspiration" means "God-breathed," and we are all the temples of the Holy Spirit, or "breath of God," then all of our stories are inspiring, no?

*at the end of each story we were asked to place a bead on a piece of wire and make a bracelet that would remind us of the women. Whatever. My kingdom for a women's even that doesn't have you make anything.

Friday Five: Leap Day!

It's Leap Day!! Whether you're one of the special few who have a birthday only once every four years, or simply confused by the extra day on the calendar, everyone is welcome to join in and play our Leap Year Friday Five.

Tell us about a time you:

1. Leapt before looked

The biggest leap was probably when I moved to California, which at first seemed temporary, but became permanent. I received a call on a Monday and was asked to sing with a band for the summer. On Friday, I left my jobs, moved out of my apartment and left for California, where through a series of introductions and events, I met the folks that brought me here.

2. Leapt to a conclusion

I do this a lot.

3. Took a Leap of Faith

The actual moving to SF was a leap of faith b/c I had a church job that paid very little in the most expensive city in the country, but here I am, 10 years later, and I love it here more now than I did then.

4. Took a literal Leap

Over a puddle? I'm not so much with the leaping.

5. And finally, what might you be faced with leaping in the coming year?

The only leaping I hope to do this year is leaping onto airplanes to do some much yearned for travel.

Forgive and leave me the hell alone!

I've never been so much with the forgiveness. I'm better than I used to be, but not great. Basically, if you screw me, you're dead to me. I used to hold grudges pretty tightly, but I've really let go of that, as it only hurts me. I don't have any conscious bad feelings toward people who have wronged me, but I certainly don't want to have any interactions with them. I don't think that re-kindling a friendship is always part of forgiveness - sometimes, but not always. It is something I'd like to get better at though.

As I've mentioned earlier, this Lenten season has included more focused time with God and more interactions and there have been some meditations on the subject of forgiveness. I've basically said to God what I said above, that I don't hate them but I don't want to see them. Then, of course, this week includes seeing two people from FCC (former community church), one the ultimate wronger to whom I only refer as Rev. Evilspawn and the other a former member who didn't do anything to me but represents that place is here at the conference in Oregon.

Evilspawn lives in my neighborhood and the law of averages made that inevitable. There are other folks, though, that I dread having an interaction with, if pressed. I say "other folks" like there's a list. There's really just 2. Seriously, can I just CLEP out of this one?

Jesus is Cool

Retail Ministry in the Land of No Sales Tax

Ah, Oregon. Land of Mighty Ducks, the Columbia River Gorge and No Sales Tax. What a beautiful thing. I'm here at the McMenamins Edgefield at the Womens Convergence conference just outside of Portland for some fun and conversation and relaxation. The weather here today has been absolutely gorgeous. Rain was in the forecast, but we were pleasantly surprised by a warm(ish) sunny day.

This morning as I sat in the sessions, I had a lot of questions about why I was here. I bristle at the idea of "Women's Ministry" but I know that these are women who do the same but still want to draw encouragement from each other, and I've met some great ones. I've heard some really moving stories, and for the first time since taking some classes in spiritual director school, I've become aware of the privilege it is to listen to someone tell their story and hold it with them into the light of God's love. Some of the women here are reluctant leaders. Some are reticent leaders. Some are in dark places, dry places, lonely places. Some are light and bubbly (I stay away from them). They're all great, strong women who want to lead people in the way of Christ and are looking for others to travel that journey with them.

After lunch, I skipped out on the afternoon activities (of which there weren't many) and navigated the mass transit system (MAX) to the downtown area to shop. It's such an interesting mix of east coast and old west with modern touches. Mostly it reminds me of a more urban, populated Missoula, Montana. Sorry if that doesn't help you. There are a couple of things I've noticed here that are different than SF. First, it's difficult to distinguish between those who are homeless and those who are not. I'm not sure if the homeless people are fancy or the not homeless people are grungy. Probably a bit of both. Second, there are a lot of piercings around the mouth area. Finally, people wave and say thank you to the bus driver as they get off. Oh, and the buses are really clean.

Tonight is dinner and a game night. I'm not so much into the games, so there is an on-site movie theater here that is showing Sweeny Todd at 9 and I'm going to catch that - one more to check off my lists before the Oscars!

Gone Sippin'

Well, kids, I'm writing to you now from the darling Eugene, OR, airport. I've finished a cup of seafood chowder and am preparing to board my connecting flight to Portland for the Convergence retreat. I'm excited to go b/c I'll get to re-connect with women I've met and get to meet new friends who are on the ministry path in the post-modern world and will have an opportunity to learn from them. But let's be serious. It's at a winery with a spa. I'm having a hot stone massage on Sunday afternoon and that's really what's getting me through. The ministry stuff will be nice, of course. But there's a spa. Did I mention?

I'm more excited than a person should be about such an excursion b/c most of the time if I travel anywhere it's to PHX to see the family, whom I love. I feel like a grownup going on my own trip. This year is about travel and fun, as I'm going to the ATL in May and then I will go to PHX to see the babies over the 4th. I heart traveling. If you do to, you might want to check out the great deals at my travel website :-) I'm just saying...

This weekend, when you think about it, please breathe continual prayers for Dieter & Val Zander and their family. As one would expect with a health crisis of this magnitude, recovery comes in fits and starts, with moments of encouragement and panic. Please keep them in your thoughts. Thanks.

RevGals Heavenly Friday Five

This Week's Friday Five from Singing Owl.

What is your idea of a heavenly (i.e. wonderful and perfect):

1. Family get-together

A heavenly get-together is when I get to try out new recipes for fancy food. We go to the store, get the stuff, and everyone gets out of my way and I have the kitchen to myself. A masterpiece emerges and I am greeted with appropriate reverence. Dinner is served, compliments are lavished upon me, and someone else cleans up while I play with the babies.

2. Song or musical piece

This is a tough one for me as a musician who loves many genres of music. My favorite piece of choral music is Brahms' Requiem and it is transcendent. For me, heavenly music is the exact right piece at the exact right moment - it could be Def Leppard or Fanny Crosby, but never Yanni.

3. Gift

A good book, a day at the spa, iTunes gift cards.

4. You choose whatever you like-food, pair of shoes, vacation, house, or something else. Just tell us what it is and what a heavenly version of it would be.

Chicken tikka masala from Naan & Curry that was still made entirely of heavy cream, but that didn't make me fat. Any Christian Laboutin shoe that didn't cost more than my car. A house on the beach in Mendocino - no need to improve on that.

5. And for a serious moment, or what would you like your entrance into the next life to be like? What, from your vantage point now, would make Heaven "heavenly?"

Warmth, love, family, and an eternity of the aforementioned chicken tikka masala.

End of strike happy dance

I haven't yet commented here on my elation at the end of the writers' strike, but suffice it to say, I'm stoked. The TV landscape was becoming more bleak by the moment, and while I tried to get into new series that debuted, I didn't watch any of them and have cleared the DVR of their electronic carcases. The one show I did watch all of was Lost - start to finish - and I am now officially caught up and into season 4 and I must say, it's good TV. It's not just folks on an island. It's creepy folks on an island, with polar bears and a monster. And Josh Holloway shirtless. Have I mentioned? HOT.

One of the best things about the end of the strike is that the Oscars will go on. I heart the Oscars. That and the Golden Globes are the only shows I watch and this year's press conference for the Globes was not fun. Unfortunately, I will not be able to watch them live as I will be gone this weekend, but I will be watching them Monday immediately upon my return, so DON'T SAY ANYTHING!

Finally, ABC (which is where most of my favorite shows live) has announced the return dates of my shows. They all come back (with a handful of episodes to finish off the season) beginning just in time for my birthday. Coincidence? I think not.

Lenten Listening

This season's Lenten practice has been an interesting one for me. Really, all I've done is read daily (so far) through Small Surrenders by Emilie Griffin and maybe skip an event or two that doesn't seem Lent-appropriate, but that's it. No great sacrifice, no giving up, no fasting. Not surprisingly, I am more centered and focused in all areas of my life, particularly work and friendships. The people-orientation shift is still moving along nicely. I'm darn near pleasant most of the time. The thing that has been most drastically different is the way I am communicating with God. We seem to be having real-time dialogs and I am finding it easy to distinguish God's voice from the voice in my head. It's been interesting. God's told me not to do some things that I'd wanted to do, which bums me out but I know it's for the best.

We had a conversation the other day about something that I'm really not into that I think God wants me to be open to. It wasn't a big emotional, mystical event at all. It was God saying, I want you to be open to this, me saying I'd rather not and here's why, God saying, just trust me, etc. Then that day we had a concert in the lobby at work - another conversation - but it was good and the girl sang a song that was VERBATIM what God was asking of me. I rolled my eyes, said, yeah, you're hilarious, and went back to work. It's an interesting time.

The Damned 123 Book Meme

I'm usually a meme person but this one has been so ubiquitous that it's downright annoying. However, Leslie tagged me, and I love her, but I refuse to tag anyone else in hopes that it will go away that much sooner.

1) Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
2) Open it to page 123.
3) Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.
4) Invite five friends to do the same.

So here's my contribution to this meme.

"With the thought of his wife, guilty regret swept over him. What a wedding present he had given her. Did his daughter know? He couldn't bear it if his daughter knew. But perhaps that's why she had grown distant, helping him only as far as mean duty demanded."

From People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks.

That's what you're getting. Syphillis. That's right. He's dying of tertiary syphillis. Meme that.

Friday Five: Water and Word

Rev HRod over at Revgals writes:

In this Sunday's gospel Nicodemus asks Jesus, "How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother's womb and be born?" Poor old Nicodemus! He was so confused about the whole "water and Spirit" business of baptism.
For today's five, tell us about your baptismal experiences.

1. When and where were you baptized? Do you remember it? Know any interesting tidbits?
I was baptized on September 5, 1977. It was a baptist church and we had baptisms every service. It was also a live telecast (local) so it was on TV. We had a choir of about 250 and at the beginning of the baptismal time, they would sing the verse of "Lo, in the grave He lay." Then when all the baptisms were done, they sang the chorus of the same hymn, "Up from the grave He arose!" I was 5 at the time and first on the alphabetical list that Sunday evening. There were bathroom/changing rooms for each gender on either side of the baptistry. My mom was up there with me and they put me in the white shirt and shorts, and I think I might have had a bathing suit on underneath. When I got up there, the pastor started going on about how my family was all involved in the church, my dad was a deacon and my mom was in the music ministry, etc. I was so embarrassed. I just wanted him to shut up and dunk me.

2. What's the most unexpected thing you've ever witnessed at a baptism?
A couple of near-chokings b/c people didn't bend their knees.

3. Does your congregation have any special traditions surrounding baptisms?
We have this ridiculously cheesy song that they make me do when we baptize infants - "You Will Always Be A Child in My Eyes." The parents love it, but it's pretty awful.

4. Are you a godparent or baptismal sponsor? Have a story to tell?
Not yet.

5. Do you have a favorite baptismal song or hymn?
I like "I Will Never Be" from Hillsongs

I will never be the same again
I can never return, I've closed the door
I will walk the path, I will run the race
And I will never be the same again

Fall like fire, soak like rain
Flow like mighty waters again and again
Sweep away the darkness, burn away the chaff
And let a flame burn to glorify Your name

There are higher heights, there are deeper seas
Whatever you need to do, Lord, do it in me
The glory of God fills my life
And I will never be the same again

Wardrobe Malfunction

For my sesquicentennial post, I bring to you a tale of emerald green, defective ruching, and mass transit.

Today, I wore, the above top for the first time. Super cute, super comfortable, and I even had green and white gingham flats to match. Put it all together with a smart pair of trouser jeans and I was ready for another day downtown. Fast forward to the gym. I went to the Chisel class - loved it - cleaned up and was getting dressed to go back to work when.....rrrrrrrrrrrrrip! The ruching on the right side ripped apart and there was a huge hole in my previously cute sweater. As you can see, the ruching is in a particularly unfortunate place for being ripped and I couldn't walk around like that. What's a girl to do?

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), the sweater came from our KK Main Brand, so I called the nearest store @ E3 to see if they had it in stock. They did not. Mild panic. Then I called Giant Flagship. They did indeed have it. Good times, but I had to use the MUNI to get there. I ran down to the corner, hopped on the N and jetted to the Powell Street station. Ran in, explained my predicament, made the exchange and changed in the fitting room in 5 minutes. Got back on the MUNI and headed back to work, all sewn up and fabulous.

So, kids, what have we learned from today's story? A ruch in time saves nine.

Whoops

Accidentally did a little shopping today. In my defense, I didn't previously own square-toed, low-heeled pumps in patent leather aubergine.

Friday Five: What Are You Doing for Lent?

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras and/or Ash Wednesday this week? How?

I did. Since we share our church facilities and don't have access to them on Wednesdays, we had home gatherings around the city. One was at my house and we read some poetry, did a Lectio Divina reading of Psalm 51 and did the ashes thing. I also had pancakes for dinner on Tuesday.

2. What was your most memorable Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday/Lent?

Probably the first time I went to a Catholic Mass on Ash Wednesday - it was a rich experience.

3. Did you/your church/your family celebrate Lent as a child? If not, when and how did you discover it?

We did not. I learned about it in college, but didn't start observing it until I was in seminary.

4. Are you more in the give-up camp, or the take-on camp, or somewhere in between?

Depends on the year. I've done both, but this year I'm in the middle.

5. How do you plan to keep Lent this year?

I'm trying to bring a more contemplative focus to my daily life by incorporating the practice of devotional reading in the morning. I'm also attending or not attending events based on how they'll contribute to my state of mind during this time.

City-fied and Fabulous!

We have nearly come to the end of my first week of being a true city girl - living AND working in the city, commuting on the N Judah, no less. There is nothing more San Franciscan than the N - jostling, diverse, and sometimes a bit smelly. Is it too soon to say that I LOVE it? The N picks up half a block in front of my house and drops me off right in front of my building on the Embarcadero & Folsom. My car is getting a much-needed break after rolling over 100,000 miles last week.

Our offices face the water and have a view of the bay, the arrow and the Bay Bridge - fabulous. The cafe is on the 7th floor and there is outdoor seating on the roof. I can walk across the street to the Ferry Building or down Spear if I want other culinary choices. All the benefits of downtown without the stifling feeling of being surrounded by skyscrapers in the Financial District.

I've joined the gym across the street, with a great corporate plan, gorgeous facilities and friendly staff for a mere $8/month more than what I was paying before. I went to a yoga class there yesterday and I liked it but the instructor will no longer be teaching there as of next week. He's leaving to manage another yoga studo and to more actively pursue his side career as a drag entertainer. Only here. And that's why I love it.

Pray for Dieter Zander

For those of you who are of the praying persuasion, I would ask for prayer for a friend and seminary professor, Dieter Zander. Dieter is the Pastor of Arts and Spiritual Formation at Bay Marin Church in San Rafael, CA. Last night, Dieter suffered a stroke and had emergency surgery this morning. The surgery was successful and he is in a medically-induced coma to aid the healing process. The next 24 hours are critical. He is in his mid-40s, is married to the brilliant Val and has three teenage sons. Please pray for their family.

I first encountered Dieter back in 1994 at my first Willow Creek Leadership Conference where he was the music director of their burgeoning Axis ministry. Little did I know that he would become my teacher and friend. After I moved to San Francisco, I was in a discussion group with him at a missions conference, but was too star struck to talk to him. He later re-located to the Bay Area and began teaching Worship studies as an adjunct professor when I was a student there. I ended up working quite a bit with him and over the years he's invited me to sing with him in various worship settings. He's a brilliant thinker and probably the most talented musician I've ever known in real life. Just Google him.

There will be two prayer vigils held for him tonight - one in San Francisco at 5:00 at the home of a friend and one at Bay Marin Church tonight at 7:30. If you cannot join in body please join in spirit.

UPDATE: Bay Marin has set up a blog for updates of Dieter's condition here - please use this and ONLY this for your information, as there is some misinformation floating around out there.

Becoming Human

You know how I go off on these rants on "those" people who tick me off? (just scroll down a couple of posts). Well, they're all still wrong, and they all still tick me off, but I will concede that the reason that I get riled up is that something is going on internally and I'm trying to process it and my first instinct is to point out the speck in my neighbor's eye. Fair enough.

I've been thinking and discussing with friends lately about my lack of patience with theoretical theological discourse and trying to figure out where that comes from because it used to be something I was really into. Part of it is certainly a life stage difference, because I was in seminary and we would read Tillich, and Barth, and Volf, and Moltmann, and all these important thinkers and discuss them ad nauseam until the worlds problems were solved and we could sleep peacefully knowing we had it all figured out. Or not. But at least we read the books and talked about them.

Nowadays, if someone wants to start up that kind of conversation, it's hard for me to orient myself to what planet they might be on and I pretty much just want to throw things at them. I was with a group of folks at a wine bar an one dude busted out with, "So, do you think Moltmann is a Universalist?" WTF? Anyway, what I'm saying is not that these thinkers and their thoughts are unimportant, but that they are not part of my journey right now.

My journey is taking a decidedly foreign direction that most of you out there call "feelings." I can only describe what's going on now as an integration of my cognitive and emotional selves, which have long been separate. I've worked on this for years, and now it's starting to really happen. Periodically, there is this wet, salty discharge that spews from my eyes - does anyone know what that's about? Kidding. Sort of.

I think when I express my frustration with the theoretical and speak in favor of the actual, is that I'm realizing that for me now is the time to get out of the books and deal with the people. I want to hear there stories now, not that I didn't before, but that I'd rather hear them now than do other things, which isn't the norm for me, Queen Introvert. While I'm swinging way the opposite of where I've always been, I think it will lead me to a more balanced approach in the end.

How about a hug?

Ode to the King Cake

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my thighs can reach!

I love the King Cake. For some reason, we keep getting them sent to our office. I know the seasonal reason, I just don't know the personal reason. No one in our office is particularly Cajun, but whatever. We have King Cakes. We've had 3 sent to us in the last two weeks from here and here. Wow. They are just amazing. I've had them before, but they're better this time. Perhaps it's b/c I'm on WW and have to control myself. I haven't gotten the baby, don't want the baby, just want the cake. Mmmm....cake.

What I Need

What I think I need to do:

• build furniture
• organize
• plan
• work
• eat ice cream
  
• do
• move

What I actually need to do:

• pray
• breathe
• be still
  
• eat ice cream
• feel
• learn
  

Transformation

I have fabulous friends. I get to hang out with people I've known for a while and some whom I've not known long and get to talk about life and stories and where they are and how they process information and it's just fascinating. I had one such conversation today with AZ. She's an absolutely brilliant, luminous person and she's pursuing a Master's Degree in poetry. Or something like that. I just call it Poetry School. She's doing great at it and is really exploring who she is through this experience and I am in awe of her bravery. Today we hung out for a while and got to talking about church and theology stuff and we are feeling the same way when it comes to sitting around and bandying about theoreticals. We really prefer real life to make-believe these days. Part of our conversation in particular dealt with the phenomenon of formation and transformation.

I have become more of a primitivist as time has gone on. I'm sure that will change, but that's where I am right now. I feel like the best way to be spiritually formed, as individuals and as communities is to function the most Trinitarian way possible, as Jesus modeled. We listen to God the Father (or Creator, as you prefer), and carry out God's will by the power of the Holy Spirit as we live lives of incarnational presence. We can learn how to do that from studying scripture. Kind of sums it up for me. Gathering with people of like mind is encouraging, but doesn't accomplish anything with regard transformation. We are transformed, according to Jung, by encountering the other. If our churches continue to be shrines to homogeneaity, then no one will be changed, they'll just feel warm and fuzzy inside. We have to work to go outside of what is comfortable in our communities and in ourselves and really see what God sees and do what Jesus did.

I'm preparing a sermon on Jesus as the Learning Teacher, so you can imagine my surprise and delight when I came across this quote from The Gospel of Jesus at Yearning for God:

"Jesus came to grips with the basic intentions of people. He addressed them personally, as to what kind of people they were. He called on them--he did not just teach them ideas. When we take his sayings and distill from them our doctrines, what we have really done is manipulate his sayings for our own purposes, first of all, for the purpose of avoiding his personal address to us. Without realizing it, we reclassify his sayings as objective teachings to which we can give intellectual assent, rather than letting them strike home as the personal challenge he intended them to be. The issue is not what we think about them, but rather what we do about them" (xiv).

Yeah...what he said.

Writer's Strike Alternative - Tyranny Episode 2

Writer's Strike Alternative - Tyranny Episode 1

I went to high school with the writer/director. Insanely hot and an interesting film maker. Well done, JBH!

Why Bruce Reyes-Chow should be the PC(USA) Moderator

I apologize for being late to the endorsing party, but please know that my tardiness does not diminish the importance of his campaign. I don't know any of the other folks whose hats are in the rings, so this is not a statement against their candidacies, but merely for Bruce's.

I work with Bruce currently on the staff at Mission Bay Community Church and I can say without hesitation that is the most positive church staff experience I have had to date. We are a motley crew, to be sure, but we are a team of Jesus-followers, living life together in San Francisco. I have to say, I don't know much about the PC(USA) polity or process, as this is where I have currently landed on my whistle stop tour of Protestant denominations. I don't know that I will leave or that I will stay, but I do know that the PC(USA) will be better for having Bruce as their Moderator.

First, Bruce is a person of great integrity. I don't just mean that in a I-chopped-down-the-cherry-tree kind of way, but that when he says he wants something for our community, it happens. And if it doesn't, there is an explanation as to why. He is that rare combination of being a idea person and an implementing person. I've been in other church settings where there will be a phase of lofty vision casting and then six months later, everyone wonders what happened to all that. There is creative thinking, vision, practical application, and follow-up. Who doesn't need that in their life?

Second, Bruce LOVES this denomination. He believes in it and is committed to his belief that the larger organization has the power to effect real positive change and to make a difference in the world. He not only loves it, but he respects it. He adheres respectfully to the structure and organization and challenges interpretations appropriately while always respecting its history and value. I believe he has the right perspective to carry the PC(USA) into the future.

Finally, Bruce LOVES the Gospel. He is a Christ-follower to the core. This doesn't mean he's dogmatic and legalistic. Rather, he is always striving to communicate the message of Christ in the Spirit of Christ. He does things in a way that is relevant to our context without diluting the veracity of the message. It's a fine line to walk, and I think he does it brilliantly.

So there it is, all you PC(USA)ers. Come this summer in San Jose, Bruce is your guy. I hope you vote him in as Moderator because he is exactly what is needed in this time and place.

Branding Church (TM)

If I may, for a moment, speak a word about how I'm feeling about the current leadership of various movements, with the disclaimer that these are merely my opinions, and nothing more.

I think that the whole "emergent" thing, as far as a movement or a call to change or whatever is pretty much done as far as being interesting and is now merely just a way to go. I identify with it the most of anything else out there, especially when I see people like Mark Driscoll - egads. (I only mentioned his name here because that way this post will show up when he Googles himself every morning, because by the look and sound of him, trust me - he does).

Basically, I'm sick of the conversations that are merely ideological pissing contests. I think there's a place for theological discourse - absolutely - but only insofar as it has practical application. The world's situation is far too urgent. I have a personal theology, probably even in the form of an actual statement that I had to write in seminary, and it informs everything I do. It's always expanding and developing, but my need to sit around and talk about it is diminishing. I don't care what books you're reading or who you can quote. It's a little like when Rick Warren bragged about how many millionaires he'd show The Passion of the Christ in the name of being "culturally relevant." Who bloody cares?*

The thing that has probably soured me most is the industry that all of this God-talk has become. There's a 3-day conference in Pasadena that Mosaic Alliance is doing (because Mosaic Church is now a brand). It's called Awaken2008 and it promises to be more than a conference. For a $349 early bird registration fee, I hope it's a conference, a floor wax, AND a dessert topping. It features the brightest stars the current constellation of leadership, all promising to allow us to journey into their imaginations. For $349. Early bird. And wouldn't you know it if they didn't have books to sell also. Huh. I feel the same way about Emergent. Sorry guys - and it is mostly guys - but you've become the people you warned us about. Your lives are about schilling your latest product and putting arses in seats at your latest events. Might be a slightly different message than your predecessors but the result is the same.

I get it. You have to keep your name out there, your product out there, appear in the right places, get the right endorsements, comment on the right blogs, etc., because you have to generate income. It's also quite an ego boost to be on that ride, I'm sure. For me, your stock goes down when self-promotion becomes the hamster wheel in which you breathlessly run. At that point, you're no different than Paris Hilton (or Perez Hilton, for that matter) or anyone else who is trying to turn their very identity into a brand.

*This is pre-AIDS/poverty awareness Warren. His stock has gone up since then - this was just a colossally stupid thing that he said in Christianity Today that will haunt him b/c he's a public figure. Sorry, Rick.

Winter Friday Five

Brrrr! Baby, it’s COLD outside! Have a cup of hot tea and tackle five easy seasonal questions.

1. What is the thermometer reading at your house this morning?

I think it was in the 40s but raining non-stop for days

2. Snow—love it or hate it?

It's ok to visit it but I don't like to live in it.

3. What is winter like where you are?

It's pretty much like the rest of the year. Only a little cooler. I'm in San Francisco.

4. Do you like winter sports? Any good stories?

Not so much. I have skied three times, but each time has gotten progressively worse. I do not do so well with the physical coordination. The last time was 15 years ago and I rolled down the side of the hill and looked something like a Bugs Bunny cartoon where you roll down a hill and the snow accumulates in a big ball. Yeah. That was me. These days I still a little closer to the hot cocoa.

5. What is your favorite season, and why?

Autumn. I love the colors, the foods, football and Thanksgiving.

Bonus: Share a favorite winter pick-me-up. A recipe, an activity, or whatever.

My year-round pick-up solution is a spa day.

Is "behindedness" a word?

Well, it is now. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by my own global behindedness. Here's the deal: I have this. I don't really like to talk about it, nor do I really need a "take care of yourself" speech. It's fine, I live with it, but sometimes it makes me just have to lie down and I really don't have a choice in the matter. Monday and Tuesday of this week, I had to lie down. I lost two days and all I accomplished was developing an addiction to Lost, which I'd never watched before, but now all three seasons are streaming on abc.com, so I got into it. All that to say, I'm behind.

I looked at the preaching calendar on Thursday - hi there. I'm preaching on February 10th. That's in two weeks. I know, I know - I was at the meeting. But I knew I was preaching on the first Sunday of something, I just thought it was "March." Turns out, it was "Lent." Yikes. Next weekend is our worship team retreat, but fortunately, that's a lot of conversation and not a lot of prep is necessary.

Work is crazy. Not bad, just a lot. The office move is next week and we're all getting ready, but the work hasn't stopped and so it's non-stop. Losing two days of course doesn't help.

My house also needs some serious attention. I have un-built Ikea furniture, paperwork that needs to be filed, a ballot to fill out, cleaning to do and episodes of Lost to watch. This weekend will be all about the recuperating, cleaning, nesting and organizing. I'll be fine.

How privileged were you?

I found this over at Yearning for God.

From What Privileges Do You Have?, based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.

Bold the true statements.

1. Father went to college.

2. Father finished college.

3. Mother went to college.

4. Mother finished college.

5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.

6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.

7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.

8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.

9. Were read children's books by a parent.

10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.

11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.

12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.

13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.

14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.

15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.

16. Went to a private high school.

17. Went to summer camp.

18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.

19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.

20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.

21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.

22. There was original art in your house when you were a child [kid's work is original!]

23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.

24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.

25. You had your own room as a child.

26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.

27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.

28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.

29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.

30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.

31. Went on a cruise with your family.

32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.

33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.

34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

Friday Five - Read Any Good Books Lately?

1. What book have you read in the last six months that has really stayed with you? Why?

I've read a lot of books in the last 6 months, fiction and non, and the ones that have stayed with me the most are A Thousand Splendid Suns and Last Night at the Lobster. I was moved, horrified and exulted at Suns depiction of pre-, mid- and post-Taliban Afghanistan. I loved The Kite Runner, but I loved this book more, probably because it was from the women's point of view. The conditions under which these women subsisted is astonishing and that it went on so long without intervention is something for which we can all feel ashamed. It does have a compassionately triumphant conclusion that made me believe in the power of the individual to make a difference despite insurmountable obstacles.

Last Night at the Lobster is the latest of Stewart O'Nan's novels about the lives of a crew of employees at a New England Red Lobster that is being closed down. The story, told from the point of view of Manny, the conscientious manager, is a character-driven yarn spun out over the last night the restaurant is open, a Friday in December 2005. It's well-written, touching and real.

2. What is one of your favorite childhood books?

The Phantom Tollbooth, Island of the Blue Dolphins, The Little House Books, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Nancy Drew books, Chronicles of Narnia (I was a big reader then, too)

3. Do you have a favorite book of the Bible? Do tell!

I like James because of the frankness, The Gospel of Matthew because of the Sermon on the Mount, and Ruth because of the picture of redemption.

4. What is one book you could read again and again?

Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster

5. Is there a book you would suggest for Lenten reading? What is it and why?

I'd say anything on spiritual practices is good for Lent, because it's a time of preparation, and spiritual practices are all about training, rather than trying. Anything by Henri Nouwen, Dallas Willard, St. Teresa of Avila, Eugene Peterson or Emilie Griffin would be perfect (said the girl raised SBC and who knows little about Lent).

And because we all love bonus questions, if you were going to publish a book what would it be? Who would you want to write the jacket cover blurb expounding on your talent?

I've always said that if I were to write a book it would be called Christians Are Socially Handicapped, the subtitle being "If we can't convert you or marry you, we don't know how to act," because I'm all about the subtlety.

The jacket cover blurb would have to be written by my boss, since he's a closet reader of my blog and thinks I'm brilliant :-)

Palm Reading

For the first time ever, I had my palms read. Please don't write to me about how evil and demonic it is. It was for entertainment purposes and curiosity.

A woman at work, R, is from India and her family has read palms for generations. Her grandfather made a lot of money off the British colonials telling them the stories in their hands. She only does it for fun and doesn't expect anyone to take it too seriously. She and I really don't know each other very well b/c we don't work together so anything she says will be purely from my hands.

The first thing she said was that family is very important to me, but that it wasn't always. There was a time I didn't care, but now I do, very much. That was dead on. She saw that I live some distance from them, but we're still close. She saw that I will do a lot of traveling, that I've done some, but I'll do a lot more. She also saw that I will have a lot of career success and good health until I'm about 60 or 65 but then I'll have some health issues. I told her she could tell me the bad stuff, but she said she only says what she sees and she doesn't see anything bad.

The best, however, was my "other half." I had no idea what she was talking about. She said the man in my life is very intelligent, very spiritual and we are extremely compatible and have great chemistry. I said, "What man?" She said it was clear there was someone in my life like that, and I assured here there is not. Well, then you'll meet him very soon, she says. She said she also sees 2 children. I asked if that was my niece and nephew and she said no, they are definitely mine. I asked her what she thinks the time table is, and she said I should be married with the two children by the time I'm 32. Whoops.

The Yoga Elf

This past Sunday evening, I received a welcome last-minute invitation to a restorative yoga class. Since I am on a quest to be more devotional about my schedule, I thought that would be a great way to ease out of the weekend and in to the upcoming week, so I went. Overall, it was pleasant and relaxing and accomplished its purpose, but we all know that nothing passes by me without a little commentary, so here it is.

The gentleman leading the class was diminuative. Now, when I say that, please understand that I say that as a person who is 5'2", and always the shortest person in the group, and I towered over this dude. He was a sinewy little hairless creature who moved across the pergo floor with soundless, darting motions. I was stationed near the source of music, which was basically chanting with a sort of barbershop quality, ending with a do-sol-mi-do finish down to the basement, a la the Sha-Na-Na guy.

At one point during a reclining backbend, I sensed a presence and rightly assumed that Yoga Elf was standing over me, sort of straddling my head. Faced with the option of opening my eyes and confirming or not, I chose not, as to avoid possibly catching a glimpse of Yoga Elf's special place. He bent down and rubbed my temples with what I believe was eucalyptus oil, which was fine, but this was my first time there and he didn't ask. There is no unauthorized touching.

At the end of the class there was some "Om"ing and then came the wish for the "freedom and happiness" of all living beings. Now, I can't think of a more shallow, bothersome pair of circumstances to wish on anyone. It took me completely out of my relaxation mode and it took all of my efforts to not invite him into a semantic conversation. But, he was there to stretch my body and not my brain, which is where I spend too much time anyway, so I'll just stick to the breathing and leave Yoga Elf alone.

Still Heart Huckabee?

Here's a scary as hell article from the editor of the Arkansas Times about Huckabee's tenure as Arkansas govenor. Yikes.

Cracking Myself Up

Tonight we had our staff meeting to talk sermon series and preaching schedules. We are a pretty hilarious bunch and we crack each other and ourselves up on a regular basis. However, I crack myself up more than most. After we'd set the schedule, we noted that I am preaching on May 11th, which is not only Mother's Day, but also Pentecost. My proposed title: Your Mother is on Fire. I am hilarious.

I miss yoga

Today I went to both pilates and yoga classes, and I have to say that I miss yoga more than I imagined possible. I love pilates as exercise and it has a focused element that I enjoy, but today my yoga class was exactly what I needed.

I entered the class and sat down and as I closed my eyes and started breathing a mantra sprang from my heart and into my head and I began repeating in my head, "Jesus Christ be present in my heart." It wasn't anything I tried to think of or chose carefully - it insinuated itself into my consciousness and I kept repeating it. I was very present and focused in the class and by the time we got to Shavasana I was completely relaxed and centered.

I realize now that if I'm going to work toward being more contemplative with my schedule I'm going to need to incorporate a regular yoga practice. Since this class is at work and I'm moving offices next month, I only have 3 classes left. I must figure something out that won't break my budget. Please help.

Voice of the Day

Too often I looked at being relevant, popular, and powerful as ingredients of an effective ministry. The truth, however, is that these are not vocations but temptations. Jesus asks, "Do you love me?" Jesus sends us out to be shephers, and Jesus promises a life in which we increasingly have to stretch out our hands and be led to places where we would rather not go. He asks us to move from a concern for relevance to a life of prayer, from worries about popularity to communal and mutual ministry, and from a leadership built on power to a leadership in which we critically discern where God is leading us and our people.

- Henri Nouwen
In the Name of Jesus

My Prayer for the New Year

This year it is truly my desire to be entirely devotional with my schedule. With that I pray comes a generosity that will prevent me from greedily gobbling at all new opportunities in favor of graciously allowing those who are more gifted than I to serve.

My Political Candidate Match for 2008

91% John Edwards
89% Barack Obama
88% Hillary Clinton
88% Chris Dodd
79% Joe Biden
77% Bill Richardson
70% Dennis Kucinich
66% Mike Gravel
53% John McCain
52% Rudy Giuliani
38% Mike Huckabee
36% Mitt Romney
32% Tom Tancredo
25% Fred Thompson
17% Ron Paul

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

It's over the ocean to Scranton, Pennsylvania?

I have managed to score a rare classic on the DVR and that is the original 1980 film The In-Laws with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk. I will not even discuss the recent re-make - there is no reason for it. The original film is one of the funniest of all time and one that my parents and I still quote with great regularity. It is completely politically incorrect, dry and absurd, but so, so fabulous. I give you the clip below that only barely captures some of its wittiness. Enjoy.

On Audiobooks

I enjoy listening to a good book. I can lie back, close my eyes, and envelope myself in setting and make friends with the characters. I particularly like the audio book for the road trip or commute. In that situation there is less eye-closing and more mental engagement that makes the minutes sitting on 280 just fly by.

On my recent holiday road trip I listened to Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns. I thought I'd loved The Kite Runner. Wow. I liked this one better, I think, but they're both brilliant. I love listening to this story unravel as the miles flew by. After that, I started Ian McEwan's Atonement. It's a completely different story, but has a similar theme of a character being at the mercy of their cultural and political surroundings. It's been made into a film and is currently in theaters. I wanted to read it before I saw the film, and I have to say that there is a LOT there and it will be interesting to see how they pull that off.

When I'm in these phases of listening to the books, I become a little like Will Farrell's character in Stranger than Fiction. I hear narration in my head as I go about my day. I describe surroundings, use metaphor, imagine back stories of strangers, etc. The voice is female and has a British accent - a posh London one, specifically. I'm not saying it's normal - I'm saying it's what happens.

Easing into 2008

One of the things I've noticed about myself is that I am abrupt, in the sense that I don't tend to make smooth transitions. This is in conversation, in work, in relationships, in seasons. I function as though one thing stops and another thing picks up and starts with no overlap. I think this is due to a few factors, namely that my brain moves fairly quickly and I'm trying to catch up, that I'm an introvert and in my head a lot so it's always a jarring realization that I'm the only one in there and other people don't get where I'm going. It's as though I metaphorically walk with my head down, watching my feet, and am not fully engaged with the outside world.

An interesting thing is occurring in me, however, as time marches on (and, as Dolly Parton says, marches across my face) and things are relaxing and smoothing out for me. The brain is probably slowing down. I am working at looking up more. As I described to my Spiritual Director in our last meeting, I'm learning about the external component of spiritual formation as lived out in a very community-oriented church.

One of the things I noticed this year is that I was not so abrupt with my celebration of Christmas. Usually, the Christmas music doesn't come on until 2 days after Thanksgiving (b/c of our family observance on Friday) and it goes off on December 26th. This year, I could not stop listening to it. I'm sure it's partly because I have impeccable taste in music, and I have a great mix on the (new - Merry Christmas to me!) iPod. I listened to it all the way through the New Year, and it didn't feel wrong at all. I wanted to draw it out and relax into the new season.

I've also been tolerant of other people's prolonged observance. Tolerant, I am not. This is not one of my words in the "Describe Me" application on Facebook. The "demure" word is a joke. In fact, I get really annoyed with the whole "how were your holidays" and "happy new year" that we're socially obligated to roll out when you see someone for the first time the whole month of January. Get over it. Move on. Do your taxes. Not so this year. I'm sure a great deal of it has to do with the presence of the babies - they make the holidays so delightful and make you want to draw it out for a while longer. That, and I just want to know more about people's lives. Seriously. This must be that "caring" I've heard so much about. Kidding.

One of the things I've only sort of "resolved" about this new year is to be more contemplative and devotional about my schedule. I feel a bit like I careened out of 2007 and slammed into 2008 in a way reminiscent of the scene in the first Mission Impossible movie with Tom Cruise flying off the top of that exploding train. Of course, at the onset of the New Year I was immediately presented with an extremely tempting ministerial educational opportunity, but chose to decline it because I would much rather devote my energy to doing my current activities well rather than doing more things poorly.

All that to say, here's to a calmer, more relaxed and compassionate (especially to myself) New Year. 2008 is here, people - let's take a nap!

Obama Wins in Iowa

picture courtesy of The Atlantic

A Day With the Babies

Today I had the great privilege of watching the babies so Todd & Lisa could go out for a while. We went to the park, had a picnic in the back yard, watched and acted out Cinderella, and just generally had a good time. One of the most fun things was watching Ian take his first series of multiple steps. He's been inches from walking for about a week now. The funny thing is that he'll be sitting down and then just stand up, but then he starts to congratulate himself with vigorous applause and knocks himself down before he can take a step. Sometimes he'll shuffle one foot forward, but that's about it. This time he stood there, bouncing up and down to a music video that was on, and then took about 5 steps and then dropped down. Very exciting.

That was, however, not the best thing. The best thing happened when Chloe and I were watching Cinderella and Ian was playing with his new basketball hoop. Without provocation, he monkey crawled over to me, climbed up my arm, and gave me a kiss and then just cuddled up for a hug. So cute! I think we've officially bonded. This visit has also seen a definite shift in my relationship with Chloe as well. Most of the time she wants to be with my mom and she includes me to a point. This time she's seeking me out and really into hanging out with me, which is great fun. The auntie gig is truly the way to go.

Bootylicious

Interior: We open on Chloe and Auntie Tiffy shopping at our local Fry's, picking up a few things to get us ready for our baking day. Chloe notices that I'm wearing a sweatshirt around my waist, points to it quizzically and asks,

Chloe: Auntie Tiffy, why are you wearing that there?

Me: To cover up my big bootie

Chloe tilts her head and thoughtfully considers my bootie, as it is eye-level for her. After a pause, she says:

Chloe: It's not SO big. At least it's not way out there (at this, she bends forward at the waist, extending her arms behind her, palms up.)

Me: Thanks, sweetie. You can sit by me.

Merry Fabulous

My obsession with shoes is well-documented and needs no further development. I give you my red Christmas shoes that worked the party circuit with me this year. While I would never preach in them, their fabulousness is of biblical proportion, n'est pas?

Winding Down

It's a chilly winter morning and I'm getting ready for the road trip home. I've completed my last day of work at the KK for 2007, and what a day it was. More on that in a moment. Tomorrow marks the annual road trip home. I drive every year b/c dad does maintenance stuff on my car. His preference is that no one touches it - ever - because auto maintenance is his love language. He's a bit concerned this year b/c I have a power steering fluid leak happening right now and he's afraid the whole thing will bust out on the road. That would suck, so here's hoping that doesn't happen. The sucky thing is that I have to drive it straight through after church on Sunday, so that will put me there about 3 AM on Christmas Eve. Awesome.

We do our Christmas on Christmas Eve, and have the great tradition of attending an early service, home for a supper of chili and tamales, a birthday cake for Jesus, and then gifts. Dad grew up opening gifts on Christmas Eve and is unable to open gifts in daylight. He feels it's wrong somehow and I'm inclined to agree. Then on Christmas Day, we pretty much do nothing. I got to a movie, usually, b/c a lot of stuff is released that day. This year, I'm feeling Charlie Wilson's War.

I'm very excited for New Years' Eve. I usually don't do much, because I think it's a crap holiday, but this year I'm going to be in San Diego with a dear college friend whom I've not seen in about 7 years. She lives in Alabama, but will be out west visiting family so I'm going to drive up on the 31st and spend the night with her there and then mosey on back to the Bay Area on the 1st. Then, it's back to work on the 2nd...

Work. We received some news yesterday at the KK that our department would be relocating from down the peninsula to the main offices in downtown SF. Obviously, that's brilliant for me. I have a ton of friends from my neighborhood who work down there and we can commute together, work out at lunch together, hang out after work - it's all good. The vibe down there is a lot of fun, high energy, lots to do, very cool. However, this was not good news for a lot of folks there and the day was filled with drama and emotion. Many of my co-workers live near work or farther south and this will add hours to their daily commute, not to mention the child care issues involved. The leadership has said that they will be creative and flexible in addressing people's needs and I believe that they will. My personal challenge is to let people be angry about it in the short term and not go on about how good it is for me so as to appear that I'm minimizing their legitimate complaints. They've set the move for the end of January.

When I get home, there will be family stuff to do, friends to see, dinners to attend. Mom is having surgery on her hand, and I'll be taking care of her as well, but before that, we'll be hitting the after-Christmas sales pretty hard. It will go quickly, but it will be fun. My January is already a whirlwind of activity with friends in town, the aforementioned office move and church stuff. The year is already promising to be one of significant movement, and, as always, change.

Today I have decided to have a day of preparation - getting ready for my trip, ready to preach on the 6th, ready for worship tomorrow, etc. This year I've been getting from activity to activity and not really in the Advent frame of mind, and so I'm taking today as a focused Advent day to read some of the devotions I've stockpiled, read scripture and focus on the season. And then I'll watch the Cowboys beat Carolina.

She's one of us!

My little Chloe has a very vivid imagination and loves to play pretend. Often, she pretends to be Diego or his cousin Alicia. This past Sunday, Dad picked her up to take her to their church for their kids Christmas play. When he got there, he took her into the kitchen for some reason and some of his friends were in there. When they saw her, they all said, "Oh - is this Chloe?" Her response: "I'm Alicia." When they all were confused by her response, she looked at them and said, "That was a joke." They'd been had by a three-year-old. Love it.

Grocery Bag Day @ Glide Memorial

Today a group of us from the KK went to volunteer at Glide Memorial's Annual Grocery Bag Giveaway. It was one of the biggest of the program's eighteen-year history and a lot of folks received food. There were a lot of thoughts knocking around in my head as I processed what was going on. I was part of the Security team, you know, because I strike such an imposing figure.

1. The TL is a difficult place. At one point we were stationed along the line in front of a corner store. There was a sign posted near the door that stated that dealing drugs there would not be tolerated and would be reported. However, at the time we were standing there, the guy from Miller was unloading case after case of beer, Colt 45, Olde English, etc. Just because they're legal doesn't make them beneficial, and in that neighborhood it's feeding addictions the same way pushing heroine would be.

2. I wonder what happened to people to have them living like that. I saw people who were clearly on drugs, mentally ill, prostitutes, and one pregnant woman who was smoking and looked stoned. My parents have a friend who was on drugs for most of his life and his mother had been a dealer and he's always said that he never knew he could choose a different way. I wonder if that's the case in some of these situations. It makes me so sad and I want to fix it all, but I know that they have to have both the desire and the opportunity. But, I feel as Christians, we are all called to create the opportunities for people to step out into a better life, regardless of their response.

3. Because I was working security, I saw the side of the event where people were taking advantage. I saw people who would go through the line and get their food and then run around and go back and try to get more. Then, they would take their food right down the street, in full view, and sell the groceries to other people. Again, another situation where we have to do what we're told and not try to control the outcome, but that is so difficult. It is so natural for me to want to withhold from someone I believe won't appreciate my efforts, but it's not about that. It's about being who I'm called to be.

L'année du chapeau

I have decided to declare this the Year of the Hat.

The hat and I have a checkered past. I've always loved them and there are several style that I feel I can rock, primarily the cloche and the bucket. There's a very cute red hat at Gap right now that I simply must have. Unfortunately, they only had it in a small size and I have a huge head, so when I tried it on, it was so tight that I started wanting to vote for Mitt Romney.

My mother's favorite childhood humiliation story of mine (and there are several) is the infamous Hat Day incident of 1979. I was in the third grade. My brother was 3 and we were attending the Light & Life Christian School. The preschool where my brother was kept was a separate building at the other end of the parking lot, but they were always bringing the little ankle-biters over and foisting them on us older, and clearly more sophisticated elementary school types. One of the things we always did as a whole school is special emphasis days, spirit weeks, etc. This particular incident occurred when my brother brought home a colorful flyer announcing "Hat Day," detailing a contest with prizes for the most outrageous hats. In my third grade wisdom, I deduced that since it was Hat Day for the preschoolers, it must be Hat Day for us older kids as well. Makes sense, right? I urged my mom to help me create the most fantastic hat we could conjure from bits of kitsch around the house. The result was a white Gilligan hat festooned with souvenirs, pins, toys and pretty much anything we could affix to the sad little floppy hat. I was ready.

My distaste for mornings began early in my life and my morning tardiness has persisted for the whole of my life. I was always a few minutes late every morning for school and this particular morning was no exception. I remember this being a damp morning, and either it was raining or it had rained that night, so I was gingerly picking my way across the basketball court so as not to slip on the concrete, one had holding the atrocity on my head. I ran up the stairs into the classroom just making the bell so I wasn't technically tardy. As I eased into the bustle of children removing coats and backpacks, stowing lunch boxes, my keen powers of observation detected that there were no other hats in the room, whimsical or otherwise. I quickly swept the hat off my head, into my bag, and went on with my day. When mom came to pick me up, she asked me how it went and I told her. She's still laughing.

I made another foray into hat land in the eighth grade when I chose to wear a soft pink hat, that I can only describe as kind of a swinger but not totally. I was the only one wearing a hat, but I didn't care because I loved it. It was my last brave fashion act in a while. The rest of adolescence was spent in dutiful trend-following and primarily safe choices, with the possible exception of bright teal Converse high tops. It was the '80s, after all.

I have declared this the year of the hat, partly because I live in a cool, damp climate, but also because, I look good in some hats and, damnit, I'm 35. If I want to wear a hat, I'm wearing a hat. Welcome to the year of the hat.

The Pot & The Kettle Go to Union Square

Last Sunday evening was The Rock, an annual Christmas carol singing event in Union Square. It was led by the Open Door band and they did a great job. The energy in the crowd was great. People were dancing, singing, sipping hot beverages, and generally having a good time. Of course, it wouldn't be a church-oriented event without a few complaints.

Let me begin with a qualifier: I am an imperfect person. I don't take criticism well, and I have a hard time disguising my disdain for hypocrites. The situation I am about to describe is one that I will not say that I handled perfectly, but I did handle it honestly. Not always the best policy, as it turns out, but gets the job done.

The e-mail comes from the chairperson of the board of trustees at a church where I used to be involved. For our purposes here, we'll call it Former Community Church (FCC). K, the chairperson, e-mailed me to let me know how disappointed she was in this year's event. Fair enough. There's just no way that with an event that size that everyone will be pleased. It was different from last year. We didn't read the Christmas story and we *gasp* sang secular songs. Her e-mail was long, well-thought-out and well-organized, with numbers. However, all of it boiled down to a couple of issues that I think the Church needs to examine.

K comes from a church that is what I affectionately call a toxic cesspool of dysfunction, and I told her as much in my response. Staff and church-goers alike have jumped ship. Those who have left have gone on to cause some mild havoc in the new communities they have joined because of the wounds inflicted on them at FCC. Those who have remained have scratched their heads in dismay, wondering what went wrong. Puzzled, they consulted an expert and had their church evaluated. In all areas but one, they scored in the extremely unhealthy range. Taking their advice on matters of ministry would be tantamount to me taking voice lessons from William Hung.

My point in bringing up FCC's record, is to show that it's so easy to sit in one's glass house and throw stones, and I could stand to work a little harder on that lesson. It's a good reminder that the right to speak truth is earned through mutually respectful relationship.

Another attitude reflected in this communication that irked me is that of consumerism. My particular needs and expectations were not met so you're going to hear about it. If you don't do what I want the way I want it, I'm going to make it an issue of theology so I don't look so shallow. Whatever. It's not about you.

My biggest issue comes from the fact that K was assuming that we all share the same definitions of "worship" and "outreach." From what she wrote in her e-mail, the terms "worship" and "music" are synonymous. Beyond that, "worship" is an event that you attend, rather than a life that you live. If I were to bring this to her, she would argue that she does in fact believe in the definition of worship as a lifestyle, but everything in her e-mail suggests the contrary.

Living a life of worship is outreach. Singing songs about Jesus around people who don't share your beliefs isn't. I'm always amazed at Christians who believe the Holy Grail of evangelism is getting someone to attend church. They eagerly squire their poor, sad non-believing friends around the sanctuary, introducing them to their church friends as, "This is Brenda, my friend from *wink* work." Everyone gives a knowing smile and then watches them with great anticipation, like middle school kids who eat Pop Rocks and drink Coke to see what will happen. I love the church, I work for one, and I still acknowledge that there is no other context where you are encouraged to gather in a room and sing without alcohol. It's weird. I get that.

What bothers me about this particular high horse is that what she's saying is that outreach is only her job to the extent that she gets the people to attend the event. After that, the people up front better make a good sales pitch, otherwise the people she brought are destined for hell and it's ALL THEIR FAULT. If K and the other Christian people were really doing their jobs and loving folks the way Jesus taught us, there would not be nearly so much weight put on those deal-closing gatherings.

Happy Birthday, Boss Man!

Since you're a fan...

Introducing Tarquin

Christmas Cheese

Ok - I'm choosing to out myself as one of Bruce's friends who is all about the cheese this time of year. I'm seriously on it. The house is decorated and I have a REAL tree. While there are exceptions, the fake tree is generally not ok, and if you choose to get one, I will judge you. One of my co-workers was looking for a fake tree on the interwebs and wasn't having much luck - I told her to Google, "the death of all Christmas spirit." I think she found it.

Following Bruce's lead, and because I generally have better taste in music than he does, here is my list of my favorite Christmas albums in no particular order:

1. James Taylor - At Christmas
2. Barenaked Ladies - Barenaked for the Holidays
3. Christmas by the Fireside - a best of with Nat, Bing, Peggy Lee, Dean Martin, etc.
4. Christmas Songs - Diana Krall
5. George Winston - December
6. First Call - An Evening in December, vols. 1 & 2
7. Harry Connick, Jr. - Harry for the Holidays
8. Handel's Messiah: A Soulful Celebration
9. Selah - Rose of Bethlehem
10. Sarah McLachlan - Wintersong
11. A Winter Night's Song - Various

UPDATE: On Ladyburg's recommendation, I purchased the Sufjan Stevens album. LOVE IT!

My New Favorite Christmas Ornament

Apparently, the answer is "hot"

Your Score: Garlic

You scored 25% intoxication, 75% hotness, 75% complexity, and 0% craziness!

You are Garlic! No offence, but you stink. Pretty much everyone loves you, though. You're smart and pretty hot and you fit in with about any culture. You're a total cut-up; in fact, the more cut-up you get, the hotter you become. But be careful, when you get embarrassed, you turn really sweet.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Hot or Not

There are some things that I don't like about being a girl, and that is the tendency to attach emotion to inocuous information. Most of the time I'm pretty good about that, but sometimes when I'm feeling less secure about myself things get blown up in my head that shouldn't. I recently went on Weight Watchers (again) and the initial weigh-in numbers were enough to cause me to hurl myself out of the sixth-story window where we have our meeting. Of course when I went to weigh in, the scale just shut itself off as I was approaching. When the sweet little retired school teacher who was supposed to weigh me wondered aloud about the inopportune shut-off, I assured her that it was because the scale saw me coming and powered-down in protest. The good news is that I have now lost 5.6 pounds with Thanksgiving all in the middle of that, so that's good.

What started the shame spiral was a very, VERY harmless comment made by a very kind person who had no idea that I'm a wreck. He made a comment about another person's girlfriend and that he would need to stay away from her because she's hot. What happens in my head - "Clearly, I'm not hot," I say. I know. I know. Normally, I don't care, but for some reason, I was in that place. I've never thought of myself as particularly "hot" and really never aspired to be so. Just had a moment. Turns out, he thinks I'm totally hot. Well played, sir.

In general, I do not respond well to hearing about my shortcomings. I'm so acutely aware of them that when someone else tells me that my flaws are showing I want to curl up and die. Case in point, I had a little family drama this weekend. Apparently, I wasn't as well behaved as I'd hoped over Thanksgiving and I heard about it from the parents. Some of what they said was fair, but some was completely unfounded and I was pretty furious. I had a good talk with my brother and then later with my mom, and we got things ironed out, but I was pretty much a wreck. I cried all morning on Monday, resulting in a very puffy afternoon.

Also just preached a sermon on inner peace and the importance of being anchored at the center. Yes - that was me. I don't know why they let me get up there and say that stuff.