Who say's we'll be sober?

Me: You're welcome to crash at my place that Thursday, as long as you don't mind the couch.

L: Staying at your place Thursday evening sounds great. I haven't slept on a couch sober in awhile, so that will be kind of nice.

Strong Person Fatigue

My quest to become human continues. This week when I returned from my trip to see my family I was greeted with a very tangible reminder of my forgetfulness and stupidity. Apparently my car was jealous of my shoe shopping sprees and got itself a brand new bright yellow boot. It's completely my own fault. I got some parking tickets (5) and forgot about them. I was actually planning to fight a couple of them, but I just never got to it. I took care of it - it was expensive, but I took care of it. This is what I do. I take care of things. But this week, I was tired of taking care of things.

For the most part I love that I am independent, strong and capable, but sometimes it gets to be too much and I want someone else to do that for me and I just want to be a blob on the couch. Here's the thing, though, and this is my own fault: I'm not so good at the letting people take care of me thing. The combination of me being the person people come to for advice and help and me being a complete control freak makes it somewhat difficult. I totally get that I have great friends who love and support me. The good thing is that I have been able to ask for help a bit this time, and hopefully I'll continue to get better at it.

Walked Right Into It

Me: Seriously - they got a lot of cash. Do you need to get married to have a money dance?

Boss: No. You just need a pole.

My Reputation Preceeds Me

Chloe: Auntie Tiffy, why don't you like to share?

Me: Huh?

Chloe: My daddy says you're not married because you don't like to share.

Me: .....

How does one respond to the perfect encapsulation of the truth?

A Tale of Two Movies

Today we saw two movies. Chloe has been to a couple of kids movies now and Lisa, Mom and I really wanted to see Wall-E so we basically took Chloe as an excuse. I loved it and thought it was hilarious. It was a bit long for her and a little over her head as it was very non-verbal, but she still liked it and dubbed it "hilarious." Then this evening Todd and I saw Wanted. I give it a "meh." It had some pacing issues, we decided. Spent WAY too much time demonstrating how James McAvoy's life sucked and then rushed the third act. The effects and music were good, though.

What I'd like to talk about here are my two experiences at the theater - very different. This morning we went to a 10 am showing of an animated kids movie. You go to those things expecting a certain amount of chaos and distraction. No problem. However, I do NOT have the same expectation going to see an action film at 8 pm.

Todd and I were sitting in the front row of the stadium section so we could put our feet on the railings. The theater wasn't very full and there was an empty seat on his left and a couple sitting in the next two seats. They were chatting rather loudly through the previews and as the movie started, but I erroneously assumed that they would stop once the movie started. No no. They continued to talk in normal tones about things completely unrelated to the movie. At one point the dude was singing along with the music. YOU ARE NOT AT HOME IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, PEOPLE. I DID NOT PAY $9.75 TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK. A couple of times Todd glanced their direction and he sort of looked at me and rolled his eyes. Finally, when the movie got quiet and they continued their banter I could take it no more, and sat up, looked directly at them and said, "OH MY GOD - SHUT UP!!!" That seemed to do the trick as not a peep was heard from them for the rest of the movie. Todd said that he might have been more polite, but was happy enough with the results to let it go. He was weighing the man's size vs. his obvious dim-wittedness and was considering yelling at him and then confusing him with a paradoxical statement so he could make an escape.

Observations from the last few days

• Only a true friend would sort and count DAMP currency taken off the bride and groom following their money dance. I am that friend.
• Catholic communion wafers are a bit like Holy Tiddlywinks.
  
• The Sherman is a great place to have a party.
• I am truly destined to be a lounge singer. Someday.
• Good Cop/Bad Cop is a great way to deal with caterers.
  
• I must truly love Chloe because when we were playing Dora Candyland tonight I actually felt terrible when I was ahead and really wanted her to win. I am normally extremely competitive and I have to win EVERYTHING. The idea of me causing her to lose something was more than I can bear. She expresses full-body joy so beautifully that I want to watch her do it all the time.
• Chloe giving me a huge hug and telling me how much she loves me and missed me is pretty much my heroin.
• Watching fireworks on a widescreen plasma TV indoors is better than fighting crowds and sitting outside in 100 degree heat to watch them.
• Ian has a very curious shoe obsession and I can't wait to see how that unfolds. He's lucky to have a liberal auntie in San Francisco.
  

Music Meme

Here's the deal - put your iPod on shuffle and write out the first line of the first 25 songs. No cheating! Let the commentators figure out what the songs are. Bolded ones have been figured out.

1. I'm trying to tell you something about my life
2. I went to church last Sunday so I could sing and pray
3. You're my bad habit, trying not to love you like I do
4. I can hear the rain come down, I can listen with my heart
5. When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand
6. All this feels strange and untrue and I won't waste a minute without you
7. Show a little inspiration, show a little spark
8. You might think I'm crazy but I'm serious
9. Something in the way you love me just won't let me be
10. She said something about going home
11. Hope you're feeling better now, hope you got my letter how
12. Heard you're talking about leaving
13. Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
14. Sweet sugar drips from his sweet lips
15. So now there's somebody new
16. Cry as much as I want to
17. It's very clear, our love is here to stay
18. Please don't talk my mind is out for a walk
19. Stop me if you think you've heard this one before
20. This here's a jam for all the fellas
21. I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord
22. Strangely out of place
23. Do you know who I am? I'm alive, you understand.
24. Some girls like candy
25. Drove downtown 9:30 on a Tuesday night

We're Gonna Need More Chairs

New moderator seeks to unite Presbyterians

Matthai Kuruvila, Chronicle Religion Writer

A 39-year-old San Franciscan has risen to the highest elected post in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).

The founding pastor and leader of a young Potrero Hill church, the Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow uses technology in an innovative way to connect and build his congregation. Many hope he will bring new dimensions to a denomination wrestling with dwindling numbers.

Part of Reyes-Chow's challenge will be trying to integrate the needs of younger Presbyterians into the traditional leadership of the church. He believes that younger generations are less divided by ideological conflict than in the past, more adept at accepting differences of views within one community - such as over homosexuality.

"There's a whole generation that's trying to find their voice within the denomination," said Reyes-Chow, who became the 218th General Assembly moderator of the Presbyterian Church. "The line between what is liberal and what is conservative is far blurrier for most folks than what the institution would like it to be."

The election gives Reyes-Chow a more powerful pulpit. As moderator, he becomes the face of the church, an ambassador within a sometimes divided church body as well as a bridge to the outer world.

But becoming moderator does not give Reyes-Chow power to decide things unilaterally. The pastor holds one vote on the 45-member General Assembly Council.

Mission Bay Community Church has an active online life, and Reyes-Chow is at the center of that. The congregation has a Facebook group. And they use Twitter, a social networking tool that allows members to keep track of each other throughout the day.

The church's online presence gives it a possibly outsize reputation on the Web.

Reyes-Chow said his congregation has 150 to 200 actively involved members, and about 100 show up on any particular Sunday. But on Yelp.com, Mission Bay Community Church is San Francisco's best-rated church - a fact Reyes-Chow touts.

A graduate of San Francisco State and San Francisco Theological Seminary, Reyes-Chow sees his ministry as naturally existing online. While other pastors might do house visits, Reyes-Chow said he might have 200 online interactions with congregants per week.

Compared with a pastor who operates purely through personal contact, "I'm able to interact with people more consistently and at a greater level," Reyes-Chow said.

At last week's General Assembly in San Jose, where Reyes-Chow was elected, the discussion of church actions was being streamed live. Bloggers kept up a real-time commentary to parallel what they were seeing.

"We've never seen anything like it," said the Rev. Jerry L. Van Marter, news director for the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.).

Past moderators have brought their own distinctive leadership to the position, advocating for peace, missionary work or, in the case of the most recent moderator, prayer. Reyes-Chow is seen as having particular facility with technology and new ways of engaging with parishioners, especially younger adults.

"He is the most wired moderator we've had - by far," said Van Marter, who said many are expecting that kind of high-tech connection to more broadly reach into the life of the denomination.

E-mail Matthai Kuruvila at mkuruvila@sfchronicle.com.

This article appeared on page B - 2 of the San Francisco Chronicle

RevGals Friday Five - Summer Reading

I'm a serious bibliophile and reader. I started reading on my own at the tender age of 3 and have never stopped. I used to read the dictionary. When I was in the 3rd grade I had to get permission from my parents to check out books from the more advanced sections - so I could read historical biographies. I remind me of Anthony Michael Hall's character in The Breakfast Club. When Emilio Estevez asked him why he had a fake ID in his walled, he curled his lip in a disdainful sneer: "So I can VOTE." Exactly. When I went to Powell's Bookstore in Portland, it sent me into a straight up bookgasm. I keep buying them even though I don't get to reading them because just the accumulation of books makes me feel literate. My favorite job to date was Circulation Supervisor at the theology library where I went to seminary. Currently, I do audio books through www.audible.com because I listen to them on my train commute to and from work.

This week, then, a Summer Reading Friday Five.

1) Do you think of summer as a particularly good season for reading? Why or why not?

Since I've not operated on an academic calendar for some time, I pretty much read year round. When I was in seminary, though, I took the summer off of reading becauase I was actually sick of it. And during those years I only read theology, church growth or spiritual formation stuff. I've currently swung the complete opposite direction and am now only into fiction with your occasional spiritual formation text.

2) Have you ever fallen asleep reading on the beach?

I've fallen asleep reading in a lot of places.

3) Can you recall a favorite childhood book read in the summertime?

My favorite books were the Little House Books, Nancy Drew books, Phantom Tollbooth, The Trouble with Jenny's Ear, and Island of the Blue Dolphins. Again - I read year-round, so time of year not applicable. Also, parents limited TV in the summer to 2 hours a day, so I read a lot anyway.

4) Do you have a favorite genre for light or relaxing reading?

I'm enjoying modern fiction. I'm currently reading Shalimar the Clown by Salman Rushdie. I'm also obsessed with Jewish Culture, so I love all of Chaim Potok's books. I've not found Chick Lit to be terribly worthwhile because it usually just makes me feel dumber.

5) What is the next book on your reading list?

And Sometimes Why by Rebecca Johnson

This is what he ACTUALLY said, you JACKASS

Isn't it ironic?

No, Alanis, it's not. Rain on your wedding day is merely a bummer, as are traffic jams when you're already late and no smoking signs on your cigarette breaks. This bane of English teachers everywhere at least served to spark conversations on the actual definition and use of irony, so it's not a total loss. When I taught music in a public school in the East Bay I used to eat lunch with a couple of other teachers and we would discuss the true definition of irony, citing situations and events and determining, as a group, the degree to which they were truly ironic. We were never able to top one particular situation that occurred right on school property.

We had a set of very over-protective parents whose oldest child was in the first grade. The child was not allowed to walk alone from the entrance of the school to the classroom. On field trip days, one of the parents had to take off work and drive because they wouldn't allow their child to ride in the car with anyone else. One such field trip day happened to fall during our annual Safety Week emphasis. The dad was driving and as he entered the parking lot he ran over one of the teacher's aides and broke her back. The overprotective dad. Who wouldn't let his kid ride with anyone else. During Safety Week. See?

This evening has turned into one of the best ever because my dad has been diagnosed with heart disease. Hang on - it's not that bad. He has a descending aortic aneurysm and the doc isn't concerned because he's in otherwise good health. It is hereditary though - thanks for that. The part from which I am deriving a HUGE amount of glee is the fact that his dr. has ordered him to drink a glass of wine every night. My parents are Mennonite. My mom grew up going to Women's Christian Temperance Society rallies, of which her grandmother was a founder. I love them very much but they're very judgy when it comes to alcohol. They don't like the taste, they don't see any reason to drink it, and for a while they took it as a parental failure that I do occasionally imbibe. Very occasionally, and I've never been drunk, which should be worth something, but it's not. So, now, after all this time, and the lectures and the heated discussions about this, they're asking me for recommendations on what to get. I realize this makes me a total adolescent but OMG - MY PARENTS ARE WRONG AND THEY'RE FINALLY ADMITTING IT. Should I be this excited? Probably not. Dad has been driven to the bottle by heart disease and Mom is, well, being SUPPORTIVE.

Flashes of Regret

I'm not a past-dweller. I'm a future-looker. This sometimes keeps me from being a present-sitter, but that's another post. While I don't tend to necessarily look back at the past, I was thinking today about the younger me and all the things I didn't do because I was afraid. I didn't apply to schools I wanted to because I didn't think I'd get in. I didn't declare a music major right away because I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't try very hard in school. I didn't make decisions easily. On the one hand it's made my life somewhat meandering, but interesting, fun and enjoyable. Today I was tempted to wish I'd made different choices and had more of a direct trajectory, but one could argue that I wouldn't be where I am had I done that, and I do really like where I am. It's one of those times where I'm really working with the tension of free will and the sovereignty of God. Some would call the belief in the sovereignty of God a cop out for adult decision-making. I think to rely on guidance from the God of the Universe who sees the big picture is really the wisest way to go. I could have done more or done what I did better, met different people, lived in a different place, etc., but that would mean I wouldn't have now.

On the other hand, some of the things I avoided out of fear were smart. I didn't get married young. I didn't skip out on college. I didn't do drugs. I didn't commit any felonies (that came later).

I guess what I'm saying is that I wish I'd done some things differently, but I'm happy with now, so never mind. Forget the whole thing. Resume normal activity.

Life according to google

A meme liberated from MezzoSF & Wyld

Using Google, type in the following and choose the first result to pop up.
(I used my real first name in the search).

1. [your name] needs:
Tiffany needs to go back to being pregnant and funny.

2. [your name] looks like:
Tiffany looks like a toasted Miss Piggy on crack.

3. [your name] does:
Tiffany does a sexy dance (because I'm all loosened up from the crack)

4. [your name] hates:
Tiffany hates golf. (that's true. I do hate golf)

5. [your name] goes:
Tiffany goes fishing with Frank Gehry.

6. [your name] loves:
Tiffany loves to be held like a baby, be kissed on the neck and only the neck, rapped up in her baby blanket, deflea her baby dolls (like a good little Mommie would), go through the drive thru at Burger King, bark like a full size Doberman Pincher, hunt bugs, smack frogs, tan in the sun, be over dramatic, wrap her Granddaddy around her little paw, wrap her Daddy around her little paw, eat dried earthworms, and ride in the Drivers seat (boat & car), and of course take warm/hot baths. (that's about a dog, just so we're clear)

7. [your name] eats:
Tiffany eats something she likes, identifies the ingredients and then creates her own version of it.

8. [your name] has:
Tiffany has raised money from investors within the venture capital community to implement her life's passions into self-sustaining companies that have a philanthropic focus.

9. [your name] won't:
Tiffany won't be my friend anymore!

10. [your name] can't:
Tiffany can't take the heat.

11. [your name] wants:
Tiffany wants to be a witch.

12. [your name] makes:
Tiffany makes low score. (I somehow doubt that, unless it's math)

13. [your name] killed:
Tiffany killed the prom queen. (I wouldn't put it past me)

Long Live the Queen

As many of you now know, Bruce Reyes-Chow, my pastor, friend, and, let's face it, my boss, was elected Moderator of the 218th General Assembly of the PC(USA) Church. This is, for lack of a better term, HUGE. He is the head of a denomination of 2.2 million folks worldwide and is now beginning a two-year term of leading that group into a 2.0 world. Seriously - when he walks into a gathering, everyone has to stand up. Seriously. Needless to say, we're so not doing that at Mission Bay. We'll be keeping him grounded. Jokingly we've called him the Queen of the Presbyterians because on some level this is a powerless figurehead position, but in reality this really is a big deal.

As I sat in the convention center listening to the speeches and the Q & A I got a real sense of what's at stake when one of the questioners shared with the assembly about a transgender man in his community who asked that the decisions made at these meetings not "take Jesus from him." It brought to bear the responsibility of not just this denomination but of the Church Universal. Three of the four candidates really seemed grounded in openness and compassion and there was one other one I would have been sort of O.K. with getting it, but I'm really glad Bruce got it. It's totally what he was born to do. Bruce is the ideal person to lead the PC(USA) in the 21st century and I'm proud to know him. Go BRC!!!

Friday Five: Word Association

Think summer......are you there? Below you will find five words or phrases. Tell us the first thing you think of on reading each one. Your response might be simply another word, or it might be a sentence, a poem, a memory, a recipe, or a story. You get the idea:

1. Rooftop - Picnic (we have a cafe on the the roof here at work and there's some grassy areas where you can eat overlooking the bay - gorgeous!)

2. Gritty - Houston

3. Hot Town - Phoenix (I was born and raised there and will be there in 2 weeks. Ack.)

4. Night - Swimming (a Phoenix favorite)

5. Dance - Salsa

Skank Hos and Loser Guys - Consider Yourselves on Notice

Stop screwing with my friends. That is all.

Multi-Cultural Communication and Look How Clever I Am

Chloe finished her first week of Vacation Bible School ever this week and it was quite an adjustment. She loved it, of course, but this new routine of getting up and out of the house every morning was taxing and it wore her out.

Me: So, how do you like Vacation Bible School?

Chloe: I LOVE it. But I'm very tired.

Me: You know, in England, when you're very tired you say you're knackered.

Chloe: Knackered?

Me: That's right.

Chloe: Well, in Arizona, where I live, when we're very tired, we just say we're very tired.

Friday I had a massage at the Burke Williams Spa here in town. It was awesome. At the end of the massage, the guy did a thing where he massaged chakra points on my forehead and sternum, at least I thought that's what he was doing.

Me: So, how are my chakras?

Adam: I think I got them lined up pretty good.

Me: Any of them blocked?

Adam: Well, number 4 was a little...I'm just kidding. I don't do that stuff.

Me: OMG. You're a chakra con!

They're Heeeere.....

RevGals Friday Five - Beach Combers

1. Ocean rocks, lake limps? Vice versa? Or "it's all beautiful in its own way"?

It's all beautiful in its own way. I live on the west coast, and our beaches are pretty gorgeous, but Lake Tahoe is nothing to sneeze at either. It's all gorgeous.

2. Year round beach living: Heaven...or the Other Place?

It's heaven if I don't have to get anything done. I have to say, though, now, that living here I rarely go to the beach. I should do something about that.

3. Any beach plans for this summer?

I'll probably go a couple of times.

4. Best beach memory ever?

I have great memories of bonfires with friends down at Ocean Beach.

5. Fantasy beach trip?

Costa Rica or somewhere in the Mediterranean.

Weekend Snapshots

• Friday evening I saw the Sex and the City Movie with a friend and some of her friends. I have to say I really liked it, but my expectations were incredibly low. I watched the show, but I recognize that it wasn't necessarily good, but merely addicting. I felt like the film was very true to the progression of the characters in the series. All the outcomes were fairly predictable and made sense. The character of the assistant was meh. I understand the need for the character because she was a catalyst for Carrie's process, but anyone could have done it. The casting of Jennifer Hudson seemed tokeny. There wasn't enough written in nor did she bring to the character anything that made it her own. Insert young twentysomething actress here.

• Saturday was quite full. The first thing I did was get a pedicure. For some reason I was obsessed all week with getting my toenails painted hot pink, so I did.

• I had a bridal shower for a work friend in the afternoon. I'm not really a fan of the shower, mainly because of the ridiculous games they make you play at them. WTF? So, I showed the girls by winning 2 of the 3 games and taking the prizes away from the formerly perky and squealing shower goers. I got a bottle of wine that was wearing a dress and movie tickets. I hate the game but I play to win!

• There was a woman at the shower who is, not psychic maybe, but more spiritually sensitive, psychicish, I guess. Anyway, she was quite taken with me and immediately asked how old I was. She said that I have an extremely old soul and have been around a number of times. Apparently in my last life I was a person of high importance but great tragedy befell me. I don't really buy the whole reincarnation thing, but I think she picked up on my spiritual proclivities and used the language that she knows to describe what she sensed.
  

• In the afternoon I went to the Ronald McDonald House in Palo Alto to visit a friend whose 3-year-old son just had a kidney transplant. She and I walked around the Stanford Shopping Center and I was very good and didn't buy anything.

• In the evening I had dinner at Elaine's house. Elaine is a delightful woman from my church community who lives down the peninsula and she had a visitor from SoCal called Jennifer. We had a lovely evening discussing life, faith, church, travel and family. I love meeting new friends with whom I can have great discussion and share thoughts on faith. I hope to be able to spend more time with Jennifer and continue our discussion.

• Sunday morning church was a little chaotic. We had some coffee problems and we were all doing a good bit of running around, but we all made it work. Afterward, I came home and sat out in my back yard and read a magazine and enjoyed the warm sunny afternoon. Then I made some seared scallops and sauteed spinach for dinner and homemade shortbread and chocolate ice cream for dessert. It's been a lovely weekend.