Friday, October 20, 2006

An Abiding Presence

(i post in spurts - have we noticed?)

my friend and i walk every weekday morning in golden gate park. she is, how shall we say, somewhat challenged in the area of punctuality (but i love her) and my time waiting for her is never wasted b/c i spend the time resting, thinking, praying, and generall just being in a few moments of quiet that i need every day.

so, today, i was reading my renovare guide and here's what it had to say:

"In returning and rest shall you be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blesseed are all those who wait for him." Isaiah 30: 15, 18

" It is a great lesson to learn that to be silent before God is the secret of true adoration. It is only as the sould bows itself before Him in honor and reverence that the heart will be opened to receive the divine impression of the nearness of God and of the working of his power. Such worship of GOd is the surest way to give Him the glory that is due Him...Do not think that it is lost time. Do not abandon it if at first it appears difficult or fruitless. Be assured that it brings you into right relationship with Him. It leads to the blessed assurance that He is looking on you in tender love and working in you with a divine power. As you become more accustomed to it, you will experience his abiding presence with you all day long, and people will begin to sense that you have been with God." - Andrew Murray

as i read these passages and spent some time in prayer, i began to imagine myself spending time with God and in my mind, God was not much bigger than me. my first thought was that God needed to be "bigger." as i listened, i was reminded that i determine God's "size" in my life as i allow God to work and be in charge - part of the aforementioned "right relationship."

my brain tends to get ahead of my prayers. i start networking and making connections and stuff and thinking about what's possible rather than listening to what God wants.

this weekend i'm going away to write for Renovare and this concept is going to be key b/c i need to make sure that this project is just God's size - not mine.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Best Little Grocery Store In Texas

so the other night i wrote this whole blog and then i apparently got distracted by a shiny object and forgot to post, so it's taken a few days for me to get the strength back to write it again. here's what i remember.

ok, so about 3 weeks ago my mom and i visited my grandfather in texas. dude is 92, blind since age 40, lives alone, and at all times has his checkbook completely balanced in his head. he's amazing. granted, it's an unappealing part of the country to visit (sorry kenny) but i do enjoy the family connection. we got some great video of him telling stories about himself, his life and our family and i gotta say - i always enjoy those things b/c it gives some great insight into who i am and who our family is and it gives mad points to the "nature" side of the "nature vs. nurture" conversation.

for example, i knew that he wasn't super educated - he only completed the 8th grade. i didn't know that he took a civil service exam and an exam to become a steel worker and, without ever having been to high school, got the top score of his class. the man is bright. he still keeps up with current events, "watches" rock hudson & doris day movies, listens to music and daily listens to a portion of the Bible on CD. he rocks.

the place where he lives, however, does not. he lives in a place that i affectionately refer to as "ass crack," texas, although if you look on a map it would say "brazoria." time seems to have forgotten this land of moss and ammunition, and the residents have no objection. let me give you the highlights of our trip to the grocery store:

1. the small produce section was in a very dark back corner, but there was a very well-lt, prominently featured beer section

2. there was no organic food to be found

3. there was a large section of fishing equipment, and no sea food.

4. no bottled water section

5. there was a large portion of the "baking stuff" aisle devoted to myriad kinds of corn meal. i had no idea.

6. the best part of the whole place was a glass display case at the front of the store with 3 shelves. the bottom shelf had medical feminine stuff. the middle shelf had various types of ammunition. the top shelf had new dvd releases for rent. seriously.