Ian Tobias is one year old.

How the time flies. Today my nephew turns 1. He's the spitting image of his maternal grandfather, Gary, which is odd, b/c Chloe looks just like our side of the family, so the two of them bear little resemblance to one another. He chose not to crawl in the traditional way - clearly a visionary - and he motors about rather rapidly on his hands and feet, diapered bum up in the air. He's just begun to figure out the word thing and the other day said, "Hey, dad!" quite clearly for the first time. He also pulls himself up to the TV and chants, "did it! did it!" when Dora sings the "We Did It" song at the end of each adventure. Chloe loves him and resents him, which is normal. He worships her and most of the time if he's upset, she's the only one that can make him happy. She calls him "my little Ian To." I've called him Ito since he was in the womb and when I talk to him on the phone, my mom says he recognizes my voice.

I didn't fully bond with Chloe until she was nearly two. I went home for Thanksgiving and she and I were playing and occasionally I would give her a squeeze and say, "Auntie Tiffy loves Chloe!" We went to the park and she fell down and scraped her hand and she raised it up to me and said, "Auntie Tiffy kiss it!" At that point I was ready to buy her a car. When we got back to the house, she was having lunch in her high chair and she was eating and chatting and out of the blue said, "Auntie Tiffy loves Chloe." I was pretty much done. It was one of the only times it's been hard for me to come back from a trip home.

I don't know how it's all going to shake down with the boy. I've only seen him a few times in his one year of life and I have two more coming up. His personality is already very different from hers and he and I will learn to relate to each other on a very different level. I'm really excited to get to know him as he grows and speaks and becomes the person he was created to be. Happy birthday, little man!

UPDATE: Here's my favorite picture from his party. He's so not into the hat.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That...

Today is National Coming Out Day. Does anyone have anything they'd like to share?

A Note from the Global Aids Alliance

Dr. Paul Zeitz, executive director of the Global AIDS Alliance, will fast on Debt & AIDS Day, Wednesday, October 10 and he is asking you to join with him!

Why?
Many countries are paying $100 million a day in debt repayments. When debt cancellation happens funds that were normally used to pay back debt can instead be redirected to what really matters: free healthcare, education without user fees, retention of health care workers, and many other social services that the people of the Global South need.

Your member of Congress needs to hear from you! Global AIDS Alliance, Jubilee USA Network, and the Student Global AIDS Campaign have come together on October 10 for Debt & AIDS Day during the Cancel Debt Fast.

The Cancel Debt Fast is a 40-day rolling fast with more than 10,000 participants nationwide. Fasters are contacting their member of Congress and urging them to support the Jubilee Act HR 2634, which cancels the debts of 67 impoverished countries -without harmful economic conditionalities - in Africa, Asia and Latin America.

The link between debt, health care and AIDS is a strong one.
In order for 67 impoverished countries to meet the United Nations Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) by 2015 debt needs to be cancelled. One of those goals is to combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases. With money freed from debt relief countries can redirect their spending toward:
canceling clinic fees and charges for much-need medications
expanding health facilities to rural areas
hiring more health care providers and
providing more direct care for women and children.

WHY DEBT CANCELLATION?
Removing economic conditions from debt cancellation, such as those requiring impoverished countries to privatize much-needed resources or freeze all hiring and salaries for health care workers, would further enable these countries to channel resources toward poverty alleviation.

THE JUBILEE ACT
The Jubilee Act, HR2634, will improve lending behavior and expand debt cancellation, a proven means of fighting poverty, to all the impoverished countries that need it to meet the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) by 2015.

This legislation calls for more transparent and responsible behavior by creditors as well as expended debt cancellation for all 67 countries that need it to meet the MDGs, without imposing harmful economic conditions. Only 40 countries are eligible under current debt relief schemes, and of those 40, only 20 have actually had their debts cancelled.

The Jubilee USA Network and its partner organizations are currently working to bring this bill to a hearing the House Financial Services Committee and to introduce a companion bill in the Senate.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN DEBT IS CANCELLED
Burundi was able to eliminate school fees in 2005, allowing an additional 300,000 children to gain access to education. In Zambia, 4,500 new teachershave been hired and fees for rural health care have been abolished since 2006.

All of us in the social justice community know that when children are educated they have a better chance of protecting themselves against HIV/AIDS, especially girls. Education gives them tools they need to work against oppressive power dynamics in their everyday lives.

GET ACTIVE!
October 10, 2007 is the day of action; here is a short list of ideas on how to act!

1. Contact your Senator by phone, fax, or letter urging them to support the Jubilee Act. Scroll down for a call script.
2. Visit your Senator and discuss Global AIDS and Debt.
3. Send a letter to the editor of local papers about Debt & AIDS.
4. Fill out paper plates for Jubilee USA's paper plate campaign. Hundreds of paper plates are filling Jubilee's national office in Washington DC. Join the cause and click here for instructions!
5. Sign up to fast for a day or more from food, sweets, shopping, or any other luxury that you enjoy that our brothers and sisters in the global south are denied at www.jubileeusa.org.

Calling Democrats:
I am calling today to urge Senator________ to help support and co-sponsor a senate version of the Jubilee Act HR. 2634, which will be introduced into the Senate very soon. This bill is important for people living with HIV/AIDS because when debt is canceled money becomes free to invest in resources in health care, education and other important social services and as a constituent this is important to me. Without debt cancellation 67 countries will not be able to meet the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) one of which is to halt and reverse the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Calling Republicans:(We need a Republican sponsor in the Senate - top priorities are: Senators Norman Coleman (R-MN), John Sununu (R-NH), and Richard Lugar (R-IN)
I am calling today to urge Senator ______ to help introduce a senate version of the Jubilee Act HR. 2634. This bill is important for people living with HIV/AIDS because when debt is canceled money becomes free to invest in resources such as health care, education and other important social services and as a constituent this is important to me. Without debt cancellation 67 countries will not be able to meet the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) one of which is to halt and reverse the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Thank you for all that you do,

Mary Peterson
Grassroots Coordinator
Global AIDS Alliance

People of Peace

I've been doing some research for our Advent series on becoming people of peace, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Last week was crazy scattered and I felt I had moved away from my center. It wasn't good. Fortunately, I was motivated by an assignment to do some biblical research on this topic and it's definitely helped me to return to a sense of calm.

I went to seminary with a bunch of missionary types and the concept of "person of peace" is huge in that community. The idea comes from Luke 10 where Jesus sends out the 70 and gives them instructions on travel etiquette. "Go on your way. See, I am sending you out like lambs into the midst of wolves. ⁴Carry no purse, no bag, no sandals; and greet no one on the road. ⁵Whatever house you enter, first say, 'Peace to this house!' ⁶And if anyone is there who shares in peace, your peace will rest on that person; but if not, it will return to you." (emphasis mine) Voila - the person of peace. I looked up some commentaries and notes on the verses and basically, a person of peace in the text not only means peaceable, quiet person, but one also of good report for their uprightness and benevolence. Another says it's a person who favors the doctrine of peace and embraces it. My favorite says that it is "one who is inwardly prepared to embrace your message of peace." Those all sound like not only a person I'd like to know, but also a person I'd like to become.

As I've researched the use of this idea, I've come across a lot of writing for missionaries instructing them to look for a person of peace. The idea has turned from a peaceful, hospitable person with a good reputation in the community, to someone who has wealth and power is to be used for their connections as an in to an otherwise hostile climate. To me, it's another example of the evangelical tendency to use people as a means to an end, the end being boosting their numbers. Why not be a person of peace first, and if you find them, enjoy them for who they are, rather than see what they can do for you and your parent company? I'm sure that's happening - I'm using broad strokes here. My experience is with one particular denomination that is not interested in actually helping people but rather is focusing on what they have historically called the "10-40 Window" because they actually think they can make the rapture happen faster. They're basically eating spicy foods to make the world go into labor.

When I'm trying to focus on an inner peacefulness, I always return to a quote from Thomas Kelly, a Quaker pastor and theologian from the first part of the last century. The final paragraph of his A Testament of Devotion reads thusly:

"Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It is amazing. It is triumphant. It is radiant. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time. And it makes our life programs new and overcoming. We need not get frantic. He is at the helm. And when our little day is done we lie down quietly in peace, for all is well."

Peace to this house.

Happy Columbus Day

Today is the day we celebrate white guys who can't ask for directions. Apparently, Macy's celebrates by having a huge sale advertised by 3 models wearing read t-shirts with - you guessed it - Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria on the back. Seriously. I had a conversation with some work folks last week about what some folks are trying to do to make this holiday a bit more politically correct. On the one hand, I see their point. Columbus represents an oppressive colonialism that brought about some horrific ethnic cleansing on this continent. (Side note: a friend who works in disaster relief tells me that the most catastrophic act of bio-terrorism ever perpetuated was the colonists rubbing the small pox virus on blankets and then distributing them to the Native Americans). My co-workers, however, have a different take. While acknowledging the atrocities, the bottom line is that you can't change history. These were men, too, so they also had to point out that no matter what you think of Columbus, he was pretty badass to take off on 3 boats to the edge of what was thought to be a flat earth.

One of the proposed alternatives to Columbus Day is "Discoverers Day." That just seems kind of milquetoasty. I don't see anything wrong with having a Discoverers Day, but I would rather see that as a celebration of the courage and creativity of the human spirit rather than an attempt to cover of a piece of history of which we may be a little ashamed. Another alternative is to add on an "Indigenous People's Day" which I like better. I think it allows us to acknowledge Columbus' accomplishment as well as recognize where it went sideways and to see it as a cautionary tale. We have to remember that while for us this day marks a beginning, for the people who were here first, this day marks the end of a peaceful, long-term existence, and the beginning of pain, sorrow, and loss. Whatever you think of Columbus - badass or colonial oppressor - he's the reason we're here today, not getting mail and enjoying the freedom to bash his discovery of this continent.

New unattainable Hollywood crush alert

It seems that I have gotten behind in my actor-ogling. Sure, I'm still true to the old standards - Ben Affleck, John Cusack, Taye Diggs, etc., but there's someone I've overlooked - Timothy Olyphant. In addition to having a fairly cool name, he's damn sexy - who knew? Well, I guess on some level I did, but he's one of those chameleon-like actors whom I don't always recognize until the credits roll. He's known to Deawood devotees, but he's done a good job of branching out and working against type. This weekend, I watched Catch and Release for the first time, and I have to say - wowza. It's a chick movie, to be sure, but a fairly thoughtful one, and I really enjoyed it. Timothy outdid himself with the hotness and Kevin Smith was hilarious comic relief. Put this one in your Netflix, kids. It's worth a look.

Sibling Rivalry

Normally, the babies play very well together. Chloe is quite protective of Ian and when Todd has given him a little swat for discipline, Chloe will fly across the room, pleading, "Don't smack my little Ian To!" She's quite a drama queen. Apparently, the shine of the baby sibling may be wearing thin, at least it was yesterday. My mom was watching them and she kept saying how she didn't want to have a baby brother because he "makes dumb baby noises and messes up my stuff."

Family Vehicle Woes

It seems that our family should divest ourselves of all automotive transportation and walk everywhere. Or get one of those Segway scooter things. My dad is developing way too close a relationship with Bob the Insurance Guy. First, last Thursday, Todd totaled my dad's truck. He's ok - banged up a bit, but ok. The airbags saved him. Chloe gave him her Mr. Strong gel pack, and that did wonders for him.

Then, last night my dad was visiting me on a road trip back home from Vancouver, BC and last night ON MY STREET someone broke the passenger-side window of his brand new Chrysler Crossfire. Awesome. So, I spent all morning helping him try to find a dealer between here and Bakersfield that could repair it. Guess what? There isn't one. So, he is winging his way through the Central Valley in this heat with no side window to a hotel in Bakersfield with hopes that he can get it fixed tomorrow. Oy vey.

Fall TV Report Card, part 2

As promised, I continue with my take on my favorite new and returning shows this fall. Please note that my comments contain spoilers, so if you haven't gotten around to cleaning out you TiVo just yet, stop reading.

1. Ugly Betty - muy bien!

I love this show and the season premier did not disappoint. Our heroine is struggling to keep everything together as she deals with her family, her job, and her disappointment with the outcome of her relationship with Henry. She's burning the candle at both ends in order to avoid her feelings and everything is unraveling. Wilhelmina is acting as editor-in-chief as Daniel and Alexis are recovering from the car crash and reveling in her new-found power. Amanda has ballooned with her stress eating because of her discovery that Fey Sommers was her mother. Justin sneaked into the Mode offices, quoted Coco Chanel and got himself a summer internship.

The story that was the cheesiest was also the best because I chose not to try to predict it. When I watch the Betty, it's total brain candy. I turn off the brain. I watch other shows, like the procedurals, to engage my brain, but this is the opposite. So, I chose to go along for the ride, and while somewhere I always knew that Santos was gone, I let myself be taken along for the ride that he was holed up in Hilda's room talking about their future. Then, in a Sixth Sense-meets-Telemundo twist, we learn the truth. A

2. Grey's Anatomy

Meh. But not as meh as Private Practice. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt to Shona Rimes as she cleans up the mess of last season. I watched it twice just to make sure my initial reaction was right, and it was. There were good things and not good things.

Starting with the not good thing: Izzie working on a deer. Mercy, that was lame. As my favorite EW reviewer said, "Excuse me, Doctor. Can you help me? I've been hit over the head by the personal resonance of this story." Her speech to her interns at the end was pretty good, though. George declaring his love for Izzie at the end. I realize this season needs a triangle - that one's just not believable. It's not b/c T.R. Knight is gay, either. I can buy him in a straight role. Those two just don't have any romantic chemistry.

Good things: Meredith & Derek's breakup scene. Break up sex? Seems like a good idea. George's fledgling relationship with Lexie Grey, also good. Alex and Cristina's moment at the end with the bag of coins from Pica man's stomach and they declare how much they miss Rebecca and Burke. Bailey taking the high road with Callie. B-

3. Dirty Sexy Money

Surprisingly good. I've enjoyed Peter Krause since his days on Sports Night and he seems to get better with age. His character grew up with his father being the family lawyer for the richest family in the universe, the Darlings (natch). He hated that he was always second to their whims and so he grew being a poor lawyer for the less fortunate. The show opens with the death of his father and the Darling family patriarch (Donald Sutherland) offering him the job. Of course he first turns it down, but then accept as information comes to light regarding the death of his father, not the least of which being the tasty tidbit that his father carried on a 40-year affair with Mrs. Darling. The best performance came from the self-absorbed older daughter who is engaged to be married a fourth time, but who has never gotten over her crush on Peter Krause. She's brilliant. I look forward to seeing more of her. The son who's a priest is particularly vile, which is fun to watch as well. Another great show from Peter Horton and Greg Berlanti. A

4. Bionic Woman

Another great one. I was a huge fan of of the original with Lindsay Wagner. I used to watch it on Sunday afternoons between church services. This one is decidedly more badass and angst-ridden. Turns out, Jaime becomes bionic b/c she's in a bad accident and almost dies and her boyfriend just happens to be the scientist son of the man who invented bionics. This show also has and anti-Jaime, however - the first bionic woman, and she's pissed. She's slowly having all her body parts replaced so she can be entirely bionic, which is slightly crazy, but I can understand the appeal. Another difference is what happens when there's some damage to the bionic parts. Remember how in the old one, if something happened to her, she'd be all smoke and wires and have to go in for repairs? Not so with the new bionic woman. She regenerates. It's pretty cool. Unfortunately, the boyfriend was killed by the former boyfriend of Sara, the pissed girl, so Jaime is on her own to figure this out on her own. So far, there's no Oscar Goldman character, the kindly father figure who mentors her through her assignments. I'm looking forward to following this one. A

Next time: 30 Rock and Pushing Daisies

All of young Hollywood needs to be subjected to this

Fall TV Report Card, part 1

So far, I'm thorougly enjoying the beginning of the fall TV season. I've been anxiously awaiting both the new shows and the return of my favorites and so far, it's been a good week. Here are my ratings and re-caps for the week so far.

1. Heroes

A-maz-ing! I love me some Heroes already, and the season 2 premier did not disappoint. As many questions cropped up as were answered. We're beginning to discover the meaning of the ubiquious double helix-ish symbol from last season. What happened to Peter Petrelli and how can we get in to see his hair stylist? Why has Nathan checked out of his life? What happened with Matt's marriage? What's the deal with the white guy in 17th century Japan? It's going to be a great season! A+

2. Chuck - a keeper!

New show that I wasn't going to watch but was pressured into it by all of my favorite pop culture publications on the interwebs. The pre-show buzz was great, although the trailers didn't thrill me. Surprisingly, I actually liked it. Chuck plays the supervisor of the Nerd Herd, the computer repair division of electronic superstore Buy More. Through a series of events, he has goverment secrets downloaded into his brain and is hunted by both NSA and CIA agents. He doesn't know who he can trust, but at this point he's picked the hot blonde. Big shock. I'm looking forward to seeing how this one turns out. B+

3. House

He's back, baby! The biggest jerk in the medical field has returned. In one of the better moments of Tuesday's premier, when asked by Dr. Cuddy where he's come from, House quips, "Apes, if you believe the Democrats." House is now without a team and is determined not to hire one, but through a series of unfortunate diagnoses, he grudgingly acquieses to Cuddy and Wilson and goes about hiring a team. Unfortunately, he was told he could do it however he wanted, so he has chosen a six-week-long, Survivor-type method where he has 30-s0me candidates and will be eliminating several per week. Should be fun! A

4. Private Practice

Meh. I'm underwhelmed. The boys are pretty and the characters are ok, but the premier was pretty much Grey's Lite. It was the same type of stories you'd see on Grey's, just not in a hospital. A patient of the psychiatrist had a psychotic break in a department store. A woman tried to get the sperm of her dead, married boyfriend in a nearby hospital, but not in their central medical clinic. A girl almost died giving birth in the super nice birthing center. It may be that Addison may have to take the chief up on his offer to keep her job open as long as he can. She may be winging her way back up to the Emerald City. C

Next time....Bionic Woman, Dirty Sexy Money, Grey's Anatomy and Ugly Betty

I have a new addiction

Baked Lay's Cheddar & Sour Cream chips. Damn you, Office Vending Machine! Damn you!

What could have been but shouldn't have been, so I'm glad it wasn't

Last week marked the birthday of my high school boyfriend, Robert. If memory serves, and let's face it - it does - he is 38. To my knowledge, he's married and I think has a couple of kids. As it turns out, he was almost married to me. When I was entering my senior year of high school he was finishing his last year of school for his chosen career and was pretty determined that we would get married right after high school. At first, I didn't give it much thought, because that's what my parents had done, and while it didn't seem "normal," it wasn't totally nuts either. However, I got caught up in the going-to-college conversations with my friends and decided that I wanted to do that instead. Robert and I had many conversations and after a few weeks, ended our two-year relationship. It was difficult but the right decision.

Had I gotten married at the ridiculous age of 18, I would probably have had an ok life, not gone to school, not worked, been a stay-at-home mom, etc. Certainly not a bad life at all. I don't think it would have been the right life for me. I've had the great privilege of education, travel, friends and a generally great life that I would not have had if I had gotten married. Yes, this is the person about which I have the recurring nightmare, but I'm proud of myself for making the right choice and, should that dream ever come true, I could do it again.

One of my favorite albums of all time is Come On, Come On by Mary Chapin Carpenter. It's one of those rare situations where I love every song on it. There's one in particular that applies to this situation and I think that making the choice to not get married helped me avoid this. Here are the lyrics:

He Thinks He'll Keep Her

She makes his coffee, she makes his bed
She does the laundry, she keeps him fed
When she was 21 she wore her mother's lace
She said "Forever" with a smile upon her face

She does the carpool, she PTA's
Doctors and dentists, she drives all day
When she was 29 she delivered number 3
And every Christmas card showed a perfect family

Everything runs right on time
Years of practice and design
Spit and polish 'till it shines
He thinks he'll keep her

Everything is so benign
Safest place you'll ever find
God forbid you change your mind
He thinks he'll keep her

She packs his suitcase, she sits and waits
With no expression on her face
When she was 36 she met him at the door
She said, "I'm sorry. I don't love you anymore."

For 15 years she had a job, but not one raise in pay
Now she's in the typing pool at minimum wage

Everything runs right on time
Years of practice and design
Spit and polish 'till it shines
He thinks he'll keep her

Everything is so benign
Safest place you'll ever find
At least until you change your mind
He thinks he'll keep her

It's not you, it's me...

Dear ER,

I've been doing a lot of thinking since last we saw each other and I've come to the conclusion that I think I need to see other TV shows. It's not you - you're great. It's me. I feel like the last year or two of our relationship I've just been going through the motions. I've recorded you, kept up with you, watched you, but I've not felt like it's been an entirely reciprocal relationship. I'm tired of always being the stable, grounded one, while you're constantly being blown up, shot up, lit on fire or taken hostage. A lot of my friends left you when you cut off Dr. Romano's arm with a helicopter. I've stood by you as interns and residents have come and gone, their storylines being written into corners so there was nothing left for them except to take a job in another country or be hit by a bus. Now I see in this year's premier, you're going to have some sort of terrible tragedy befall Neela. I'm afraid I'm going to have to set a boundary. We've had some great times, but all good things have to come to an end at some point. I know you'll carry on without me. Be strong. We'll always have Clooney. Can we at least be friends? Friends with syndication benefits?

Beyond Wrong

Whale Speaking Yoga Instructor teaches Naked Yoga once a month. That, my friends, is bad naked.

Happy Birthday, Lilyan!

Today is the birthday of my oldest friend. Not oldest in age, but been around the longest. We've known each other since the 6th grade and were inseparable in high school. We went to the same church, sang in choir together, took some college classes together, and are always returning to each other no matter how much time passes.

Lilyan was born in Ft. Worth, Texas, and has always been proud to share her birthday with Tom Landry. Later, she was elated to discover that she also shares it with Harry Connick, Jr. She is smart, tough, creative, loyal, and pretty freaking hilarious. There are many moments of my life that I could not have endured had she not been here. She moved to L.A. 10 years ago, and then a year later I moved to S.F. We're in the same state, but geographically the distance is the same as when I was in Phx.

She's been through a lot, has a completely crazy family, but navigates it all with great style and grace. Welcome to 35, my friend. I've been keeping it warm for you.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's fall. Well, starting to be on the calendar anyway. I love fall - it's my favorite time of year, and here's why:

1. FOOTBALL, baby! Sunday night I got to watch the Cowboys (aka God's Team) beat the Giants. It was great. The Cowboys' defense didn't look great, but fortunately the Giants' looked worse. Great way to start the season - let's keep it up! The Giants were riddled with injuries, including a partially separated shoulder for Eli Manning which should keep him off the field for at least a month. It was so great to hear Al and John give the commentary. That John Madden slays me. Particularly funny was an exchange following a teaser for this weeks' guests on Jay Leno. Madden went off on how they get footage of the guests on the show for the promos if they've never been on before. He was baffled. Al didn't know either. They spent some time in conjecture, but never ended up with anything that satisfied them. Hilarious.

Last night, I watched the Cardinals lose unjustifiably to the 49ers in what ESPN's 3 Mikes called an "ugly game." It was ugly. The Cardinals led the whole time and then the 49ers scored with :26 left and then in the Cardinals' last possession, Leinart threw an interception. Awesome. So, the new head coach of the Cardinals goes down in history with the last 9 head coaches who have all lost their first regular season game. That Eric Green is a man to be watched - he and Leinart have the potential to be a great quarterback/receiver team.

On a sad football note, this weekend Kevin Everett of the Buffalo Bills suffered what doctors call a "catastrophic" spinal cord injury and is unlikely to walk again. Please keep him and his family in your prayers.

2. COLORS - I love the warm colors typically associated with fall - reds, browns, deep greens, etc. I love going to BeneFit and getting a new fall color makeover. This year will be particularly fun, because after next week, I will no longer need the eyeglasses, and I will be able to rock my full fabulousness. Along with the colors goes the wardrobe. New sweaters, comfy jeans, hoodies, sassy skimmers or trainers - big fan.

3. FOOD - we begin a season of candy, treats, dinners, parties, etc. I'm so excited! Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday and try to cook a big dinner whenever I can. Candy time starts now and goes through Easter, with colorful M&Ms for every occasion.

4. WEATHER - here in the Bay Area, September & October are our warm sunny months, and it couldn't be nicer! There are all kinds of outdoor concerts, movies, and great things to do. If the evening gets a bit chilly, I can light a fire in the fireplace and curl up with my favorite snack - hot chocolate and cinnamon toast. When I get home for Thanksgiving, it will be sunny, mild, and beautiful. Love it!

5. TV - This Sunday is the Emmys, which kicks off the new TV season. I'm anxious to get back to the happenings on House, Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty & Brothers & Sisters. I'm also really stoked for new shows Bionic Woman, Private Practice and Pushing Daisies. Love that DVR.

State of the Worship Music Union

I've been shopping for worship music because I'm really tired of the same stuff. A lot of things have come out and I've been scouring websites and magazines to find some new stuff. I don't want to find new stuff, though - I want good stuff. Believe me - there's not a lot of that out there. Case in point: One of the CDs I bought was from the C3 Worship Project in Atlanta. It has some good things on it, but there is one absolutely abominable song on there that is called Like a River and it sounds like a Jesus bootycall. It's awful. You can listen to it here. I realize it's tacky to call them out like that, but this must be heard to be believed.

I read a blog post the other day on The Search about what's wrong with modern worship music. I agreed with most of what the writer said regarding the contemporary music's lack of theological depth or musical creativity. He also dealt with the whole sacred/secular divide and how we should get rid of it. All great things. It was well-written, theologically eloquent and there were a number of comments supporting and expanding his ideas.

That's all well and good, but there was absolutely no addressing of practical issues. As a person who leads worship nearly every Sunday, I have many other things to consider alongside the theological and creative issues. First is singability. I'm dealing with a generation that has little or no music education. As music and arts education is the first to go in tough times, many folks didn't have any musical training, and they're used to singing along with the radio, which results in a very limited vocal range. Compare this to Martin Luther's time when he commanded the entire congregation to attend singing practices mid-week so they would sound good on Sunday. Popular music is simple and repetitive. That doesn't mean it can't be interesting, but let's face it: if I want people to participate in the singing in church I have to come to them to a great extent.

Second is the instrumentalists. I'm glad to be in a church that has a good number of very competent musicians, but that's not always the case. The musicians who volunteer in church are just that - volunteers. They're not professional, they don't have a lot of time to devote to rehearsal and study. They are good people who are offering the best they have as gift in the worship service and I would do them a disservice by presenting them with music that is beyond their capacity just for the sake of showing my artistic superiority.

In my opinion, the writer of the Search post, while making valid points, failed a bit in the logic department. He began with assailing the popular worship music styles and services and ended with the idea that valid worship experiences can be had anywhere, regardless of the "Christian" nature of the music or musician. If worship experiences can be anywhere at anytime with any kind of impetus, then who cares if the music at the central gathering is necessarily the most challenging, artistic, flawlessly performed, etc.? I would rather have my people present the best that they have (which they do) and also encourage the people in our community to seek to experience God everywhere in their lives. It seems to be the best way to teach people to live lives of worship.

I Love the Interwebs

All the Grooviest Online Video in One Place, GroovyGrooves.com

Eureka...I have found it!

I have spent the majority of my 35 years looking for the right facial moisturizer. I have ginormous pores and extremely oily skin (thanks Dad). I've looked everywhere, tried many things, and have been content to live with the shine. Those days, however, are over. Enter the Gotu Kola Soothing Eye & Face Gel from Body Time.

Body Time is a local outfit based in Berkeley with shops in Marin, San Francisco and the East Bay. I was first introduced to them by my friend Lilyan who actually lives in L.A. who has a friend there who is into their stuff. Their most popular scent is called China Rain, and I used it for years, but have recently discovered one of the winners of an employee contest - Summer Sunset, so that is my scent du jour. But, back to the Gotu Kola.

I went in to the shop on Haight Street on Labor Day to get a re-fill on my Body Shampoo when I decided to check out the face stuff, I went with the Gotu, just to try, as it was recommended for my skin type. I have been pleasantly surprised all week as I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to see a very nice matte finish. Seriously. Most of the time I'm all a-shine the moment I apply the makeup. No more. I'm now as dull on the outside as I am on the inside! Well done, Body Time!

And a note to one particular reader: I'm allowed to post stuff like this. I AM a girl.

She Speaks Whale

Our regular Yoga instructor is on vacation, so we have a substitute for the next couple of weeks. She's very nice and has rockin' abs, but seriously - she speaks whale. There's no other way to describe it.

You know you're in an upscale grocery store when...

they have saffron threads for sale at the cash register next to the gift cards and magazines.

God on TV

There are many wonderful things about summer. I love going to farmers' markets and getting fresh fruit. Going to the beach - not here, of course, but maybe in Marin. The one thing that isn't great is the TV. There is a lot of time between mid-May and the end of September to ponder the goings on at a certain Seattle McHospital, or with people with extraordinary powers scattered all over the world. Some networks, like HBO, TNT and TBS, have gotten wise and have new summer series. I also use it as a chance to catch up on shows that I would like to watch in the regular season but have already committed myself to too many shows.

I started watching The Closer last year because it's a new series in the summer. It's not a great show. It's entirely predictable, but it's something new to watch and I generally enjoy the procedurals. When TNT started showing previews for the new Holly Hunter show called Saving Grace, I was intrigued by the concept and decided to set my DVR.

Here's the premise: Holly Hunter (Grace - naturally) is a hard-working, hard-living Oklahoma City police detective. She's from a large Catholic family, and lost one of her sisters in the bombing. She's long since rejected God and church, drinks a lot, is sleeping with her married partner, among others, and is generally morally bankrupt. One night as she drives home from a bar, completely drunk, she hits and kills a pedestrian. As she stumbles out of the car and realizes what she's done, she mutters for God to help her. Lo and behold, who should appear but Earl (EARL) her last-chance angel. He encourages her to change her ways and to give God a chance. She reluctantly agrees, and so the show continues with Grace puzzled by questions of faith, stumbling in her personal life, all the while fighting crime in the OKC.

It's not a bad show, but more importantly, it's not a very good show. It's fraught with stereotypes, predictable outcomes and plot holes. The thing I like least about it is the fact that they use a lot of profanity, but it makes no sense. They say shit all the time, just because they can. Half the time it doesn't make any sense. It's as though the show runner came from a meeting with Standards and Practices and said, "Well, folks, they're giving us the s-word, so let's use it as much as possible!" Now, we all know that I'm prone to let fly when the mood strikes, and the s-bomb is one of my favorites. However, it has purpose - I've missed my exit, smashed my finger, seen a picture of George Bush. These uses make sense. But all the time? Ok. I get it. you're on cable, so you can cuss. Good for you.

Another show that I watch in the summer time to catch up is The New Adventures of Old Christine. I've been a fan of Julia Louis-Dreyfus since her time on Day by Day. You heard me. Day by freaking Day. It's generally hilarious - well written and well acted. Last week's episode was entitled Oh God, Yes, and I have to tell you, it was a riot. Christine's ex-husband and New Christine took their son Richie to church, and he was begging to go back. Christine then has to explore her personal objection to organized religion and it is rooted in some childhood experiences. She decides to face her fears and take Richie to church - comedy commences. While hilarious, it's a great picture of how people who don't go to church see church. Unfortunately, CBS isn't showing it online and I can't find that particular episode on other sites. If anyone out there finds it, please send me a link. Until then, it's saved on my DVR and anyone who wants to can come over and watch it.

Death at a Funeral

Yes, I really am on a mini-break. Two movies in one day. Tonight my friend Annelies called and invited me to go with her to see Death at a Funeral @ the Bridge Theater. I love British films and this one was not a disappointment. It was full of "what was he/she in?" actors, which I love.

The film stars Matthew Macfayden (Mr. Darcy of the latest Pride and Prejudice incarnation) as Daniel and Rupert Graves (V for Vendetta and Damage - one of my all time faves)as Robert. They are two brothers whose father has passed and they are faced with the task of bringing together family, friends and random people to give their father a dignified send-off at their family's home. Wackiness ensues. What I loved about it, however, was that it was not easy, predictable wackiness. It was over-the-top without losing the dignity of the characters, but there was a P.G. Wodehouse feel to it.

Andy Nyman played Norman, a very George Costanza character. He had a small discoloration on his wrist, with which he was completely obsessed and he kept getting saddled with the care and grooming of old Uncle Alby, played to curmudgeonly perfection by Peter Vaughan. It must be very cathartic to play such a nasty bastard. Also loved Kris Marshall (of Love Actually fame) playing the slacker nephew of the deceased who was studying to be a "pharmacist." Peter Dinklage (The Station Agent) also gives a great performance as a mysterious stranger who shows up with some unwelcome information and attempts to blackmail the family.

The film was absolutely stolen, lock, stock and barrel by Alan Tudyk as the trepidatious fiance of the niece of the deceased. Because of his nerves at encountering his future father-in-law, he takes what he believes to be a Valium, but it turns out to be acid.

It's a really fun film. Check out the trailer here:

Intercession

Today, as I thoroughly enjoyed day 2 of my days off from work, I went to an early showing of Bourne Ultimatum. Brilliant. Loved it. Although, I do want to make some introductions: Paul Greengrass, this is a camera dolly. Camera Dolly, Paul Greengrass. I hope you two will become great friends. Knowing that Doug Liman was an exec producer makes the jerky, hand-held camera thing make sense. That's a big part of his film-making aesthetic - he directed Swingers, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity. But I digress.

I was a bit early to the theater and I was the first person in that showing. To my great delight, they chose to forgo the irritating music/advertisement slideshow that usually precedes movie showings, so I had a bit of time for silence. I decided to spend the time resting and as I rested I began to pray. After reciting some familiar prayers, I began some time of intercession. I have always appreciated the definition of intercession as "holding someone up into the light of God's love" rather than reciting a list of things I think that person needs. So, I went through a list of a lot of people - friends, family, enemies, co-workers, church members, college friends, etc. It was odd b/c people whom I haven't seen or even thought of popped into my head. Praying for the enemies was the best part. When they popped into my head, I didn't shrink away from the (mental) sight of them, but held them up with everyone else. I still don't know that I want to encounter any of them in the flesh, but it was a good step toward healing for me.

Two blissful days

I gotta say, this two days off for the office move thing is making me deliriously happy. This morning, I slept in a bit, had some coffee and a lovely breakfast and then went and ran some errands. This afternoon, I'm doing some house cleaning and then I'm going to have a couple of friends over for dinner. Tomorrow it's a few more errands, getting the toes done, and then I'm going to see the Bourne Ultimatum (because SOMEONE saw it without me even though we had a pact. I don't like to name names, but her initials are ANNI MINGIN). After the movie, I'm going to wander around the DeYoung Museum. In the midst of all this I'll be working on some church stuff, preparing for a worship leaders' retreat in a few weeks and a sermon on Ephesians 2 that's on the horizon (added that in b/c I know Bruce reads this - Hi Bruce).

This morning when I was running the errands, I stopped in to the new DSW Shoe store at the Westlake Village in Daly City. It's very nice - I recommend. I cannot stress this enough: I love shoes. Seriously. Shoes. I love everything about them. I love shoe shopping. If I had unlimited resources, I would have unlimited shoes. I love the smell of a shoe store. I love finding a good deal on shoes. I love everything about them. I wish I had this kind of passion for more important things, and I do in some cases. But I know that I really am this shallow. I love shoes.

My Type

For the MBCC Steering Committee we have to do take personality tests, because apparently, according to Bruce's personality test, he likes personality tests. Let's see if this works.

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Main type	Variant

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism 76% Type 2 Helpfulness 60% Type 3 Image Awareness 43% Type 4 Sensitivity 16% Type 5 Detachment 80% Type 6 Anxiety 30% Type 7 Adventurousness 16% Type 8 Aggressiveness 50% Type 9 Calmness 70% Your main type is 5 Your variant is social

Take'>http://www.similarminds.com/embti.html">Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality/'>http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com

Urban Situation

Ever have one of those nights where there's a neighbor who is clearly having a very loud birthday party, but you need to go to sleep, and on one hand you're hoping someone calls the police to have it shut down but on the other hand you don't want to be that person b/c the music is really good?

Big, Blonde and Beautiful

Just got back from seeing Hairspray and I have to say I love it when the fat girls win. It was a good time. Anyone else thing that Edna Turnblad was channeling Dr. Evil? I wish every day were Negro Day! (that's a quote from the movie - don't yell at me)

So, that's the hill you want to die on?

I'm kind of an, ummm...outspoken person. I tend to have strong opinions and am not terribly shy about expressing them. I'd like to think that as I'm getting older, I'm mellowing, and to some extent that's true. I know that because I can look at the following links without getting too pissed off. Actually, I think they're amusing.

The thing that bugs me about these sites and organizations is that I have this thing about the Kingdom of God. I see it as important. My Mennonite background emphasizes the Sermon on the Mount as the "canon within the canon." It's a perfect encapsulation of what Jesus was bringing about and calling on us to continue. Seems pretty simple - continue the kingdom. When I look at the things that these folks see as of primary importance, I don't see the kingdom in it. In fact, I had an e-mail exchange with the leaders of Christian Exodus, stating this very opinion. As soon as I asked them to justify what they were doing according to Jesus' definition of the Kingdom in Matthew, they stopped responding to me.

Recently, as I've come across these sites, I have seen them as not something that needs to be railed against, but as cautionary tales - to show how easily it is to be distracted from what we were called to do.

Unfortunately, this is real - but pretty funny. I went to seminary with a particularly obnoxious KJV-only person who had stickers all over his car and had KJV1611 as part of his e-mail address. He also believed that Baptists were the only true Christians. He did a project in a class on the Reformation that I was in and he referred to anyone who opposed the Catholic church as "Baptistic," which for him meant "biblically accurate."

This is appalling. Home-ec in seminary. Seriously. Actually, while it is awful, it isn't that shocking, given that Paige Patterson's wife has written that any woman who believes that she has leadership gifts has been deceived by the evil one. Charming.

Stuff like this helps me to find humor in these types of organizations. Logic is easier on the vocal chords than shouting and way more amusing.

P.S.
This shouldn't be real - except the depiction of Jesus with bright blue eyes and flowing blond hair. That's the only part that's plausible.

Mom was here

My mom came to town over the weekend for the SF Choral Society performance and we had a really great time. The woman has a lot of energy and we did as much as possible during her 48 hour visit. I made her play keyboard in church on Sunday. We shopped. We decorated. I'm still recovering.

During the intermission of Saturday night's performance, I was scanning the room for where my mom was seated and she was directly ahead of me. I had only met the woman sitting next to me a couple of days before when we were seated next to each other for this event, and she and I had chatted briefly and she's a really sweet person. I told her that I had spotted my mom in the crowd and that she had travelled here that day to see the performance. She remarked back, "That's sweet. My mom is dead, but this is her skirt I'm wearing. I think she would be proud." At first, I was a little taken aback because of the matter-of-fact way that she stated it and because I had only just met her and it was a pretty personal statement.

Over the last couple of days, I've not been able to get her statement out of my mind. My mom is dead. I think she would be proud. I'm so grateful that I still have my mom. I know that parents get older and people die, and I know that someday I will belong to that club of Women Whose Mothers Are Dead, and I dread that day. I can't imagine not being able to call her up and tell her about something great that happened, or something I think is funny, or go shopping with her, or cook with her at holidays. I have friends who live with this and I just can't fathom the pain and emptiness of that. I'm so grateful for my mom and I'm so sorry for those who don't have that, for whatever reason. I love you, Mom.

Umm.....thank you?

This was the weekend of the Brahms performance and it went pretty well. I had a number of friends come check out the performance and my mom flew out to see it, which was great. She's hanging curtains in my bedroom. That's what she does. She shows up and decorates so I don't have to. It's a good arrangement.

Last night following the last performance I was pretty exhausted and my back was kind of sore from the evil Gut Buster class at the gym and then all the standing, so I was a little fatigued. I was walking along Franklin toward Grove and I casually dropped the wrapper from the granola bar I'd had for dinner and I heard and jingling sound not typically made by granola bar wrappers. Yes, friends - it was my keys. In the garbage can. On the street. I was horrified. I could sort of see them in there, but it was one of those that has the basket for recyclables at the top and you can't really reach in. The can was also not very full and so they fell way down there. I didn't quite know what to do, so I thought I'd look for my mom and my friends and then see after that.

While I was looking I came across a large, older security guy whom we shall call Giant Bostonian (GB). I asked GB what I should do in this situation and I was making it clear that I wasn't necessarily asking him to fix the problem, but how should I go about fixing the problem. He asked to take a look and so he lumbered along behind me to the can in question. GB tried to reach in and get them, snag them with his Swiss Army knife, all to no avail. Then he decided to use the knife to pick the lock on the side door. He was not successful. Finally he decided that brute force was his only option. Given his carriage and demeanor this is not the first time he has come to that conclusion. He started to tackle the can and push it into the street. The street.

As GB lunged toward the can, I said, "Umm...maybe not in the street." And he stood up and turned to me and started yelling, "Do you want me to help you or not? You ask for help and then you bitch about how I'm helping. You sound like a woman. Do you want my help or not?" Awesome. I drew myself up to my full height (stop laughing) and said, "I want you to help me in the least dangerous way possible, and it seems like pushing a concrete garbage container into oncoming traffic isn't the way to do that." He continued on and when the can was downed, he reached in and fished out my keys. He then discovered that the receptacle was too heavy for him to lift back up, so he left it lying there.

So, if you're in San Francisco, going north on Franklin and as you come up to Grove, you see a trash can on its side in the middle of the road - all me.

Good News from the Khaki Khonglomerate

I was excited to learn last week that we get to keep our gym! Our new tenant, Massive Viral Video (MVV) has said that they know it's an important perk for us and they want us to keep it. I take back everything I said about them! This means I get to keep my FABULOUS yoga class, work out over lunch, and not have to look for another place to work out and pay more money. All is right in my little narcissistic universe!

More bad news

An update on the previous post re: the former youth pastor, now to be referred to as RO.

I was up until 2 am reading posts on a blog about this issue and it just gets worse. I won't ever devote that kind of time to it again for obvious reasons. The things I learned about this person were so upsetting, not because I ever saw him as some great spiritual giant, but because of the abuse of his considerable power. My very strong inner sense of justice is screaming.

RO's party line on his first divorce was that she didn't want to be the wife of a minister. Not true. You guessed it- he cheated. He married his current wife, JO, because it was too difficult for him to get speaking gigs as a single, divorced guy. He repeatedly told the women he was involved with (or trying to be involved with) that it was a marriage of convenience and that he didn't love her. When couples came to RO for marriage counseling, he would split them up, counsel the woman on his own, encourage her to get a divorce, and then attempt to start a relationship with her, with mixed results. In addition to the many sexual dalliances, there are a lot of questions regarding fiduciary matters at both the church where I knew him and the BH church in B'ham. Apparently there was some embezzlement in both places, in the 5 figures, and both places agreed to cover it up to avoid publicity. His ministry never filed as a 501c(3) but took donations with no documentation. He was able to wrangle gifts, like golf clubs, vacations, cars and houses out of people by claiming financial hardships, despite the fact that he was making in the mid 6 figures at the church job, not counting all his speaking engagements. When then church took a love offering for him on his last day, it amounted to around 18k and he referred to it as a "slap in the face," because it was barely over 1k for each of the 15 years he'd been there. Charming.

There are two specific examples of his behavior that are the most frightening to me. First, a young woman named KS, whom I know. (She has come forward publicly and shared her story and her real name, but I'm going to go ahead and let her be in charge of disseminating that information) She began a relationship with Rick at age 16 (a pattern - sometimes he waited until they were 18 to consummate the relationship, sometimes not). After the relationship had gone on for a while, she found herself to be pregnant. His words to her were, "If you have this baby, it will never know its father." So, she was talked into terminating the pregnancy, which he did pay for. He also said he would be there with her, but - wouldn't you know it - something came up at the last minute and she was alone.

The second one borders on frightening. This was posted anonymously. A couple who was having problems went to him for counseling. The man was referred to a counseling center, but RO continued meeting with the wife. RO recommended that the couple separate. He would show up at the woman's house, and bring her flowers and wine. On one of those occasions, things got out of control and in the woman's words, he raped her. She called her husband hysterically crying and he came to her aide, took her to the hospital and helped her file a police report. There was no doubt in the exam that she had been forced. When they went public with this, they were asked to leave the church and were threatened (I don't know how specifically). In the month following the charges, they were pulled over by B'ham police 8 times, and harassed to the point of having to move. When they went to file the lawsuit, the evidence had disappeared from the police report. The couple reconciled and have a strong relationship. The husband wrote the story on the blog.

At present, RO is working three different stories of this situation, depending on who he's talking to, he is strutting around town as if nothing happened, playing golf every day and working to line up preaching gigs. Here's what kills me about that: Where has he turned to get these speaking gigs? The inner city churches. I can't even begin to go into how racist that is, to assume that African-American churches will be (a) more accepting, or worse, (b) less informed.

There are people working diligently to take him down - not in a vindictive, "you must pay" way but in a "people are being hurt - you must stop" way. Some of the comments posted were by people saying that RO was being unnecessarily persecuted (whatever) and that the people working to dismantle his empire needed to "get a life." I believe that God in in charge of vengeance but I also believe that God uses us to accomplish all of God's purposes, including vengeance, and those who are on this job are on the right track.

A note to all those women at the gym who feel comfortable enough in their bodies to walk around the locker room naked...

...please stop.

Another one bites the dust

This week while I was preparing for a sermon on Malachi, I found out that the man who had been my first youth pastor at my home church has been carrying on an affair with a woman since 1981. The relationship began when his first marriage ended, but has continued into his second marriage. The woman with whom he had been having the relationship, for whatever reason, decided to go public with this relationship, and apparently, the man called her and begged for her not to ruin his ministry or his family. She told him he had done that himself, and she went on with her intentions.

I have commented before that in that church, the extra-marital relationships of the staff were practically a competitive sport, and the list of those who did not have such relationships is far shorter than the list of those who did. If they were found out, it was either covered up or they were allowed to resign and the congregation was told that they were "called to other areas of ministry." The senior pastor and an ongoing, long-term relationship with his executive assistant. He was confronted with it many times, and those who questioned him were told that they were no longer welcome at the church. We were all supposed to turn a blind eye, but when he retired and moved to Texas, she divorced her husband and also moved to Texas. How stupid are we supposed to be?

I think it's interesting that I learned this during the week that I was living with Malachi. Malachi puts a heavy burden on the priests to have a relationship with God so that they may effectively represent God to the people, bring them a correct understanding of God's ethical standards, and offer spotless sacrifices to God, which is what God deserves.

These ministers brought corruption to their offices and corruption to the people because they were offering only the appearance of a genuine sacrifice, but they weren't actually giving up anything at all. In fact, they were taking way more than they were giving. I am not trying to condemn them as worse than me or anyone else. I have certainly not conducted myself perfectly and have caused damage to people myself. I am merely pointing out that they chose a position of spiritual authority and they abused it and did great damage. They are all suffering serious consequences and the ripple effect of their actions will probably never be fully known. You would think that their stories would serve as a cautionary tale, but it keeps happening. Amazing.

Ein deutsches Requiem

Last night at SF Choral Society rehearsal, I had a moment of true worship. As a musician, I tend to connect with God through music the most because that's the way God made me. Brahms' Requiem has been one of my favorites ever since I first sang it in college well over a decade ago. For that performance we unfortunately performed it in English but for an ok reason - it was the 25th anniversary of the first performance done at GCU and we invited alumni back to sing with us, and they didn't have time to learn the German, etc. While I enjoyed it then, I have a much deeper appreciation for it now.

Brahms' Requiem is considered more of a "humanistic" requiem because while it has a sacred content it does not follow the typical Catholic mass format. It is a requiem in seven movements, but instead of containing texts that are intended to usher the departed into eternity, it is focused on those still living. The passages chosen remind us that death and loss are inevitable but that God is in charge of it all and we are ultimately victorious because God is. One of my favorite things about the work (and perhaps why some of its critics consider it somewhat pedestrian) is how the music and lyrics fit together so beautifully, intensifying the emotional effect. For example, there is one passage where we are repeatedly singing "Where, O Death, is your sting?" and the music alternates between a thundering indictment and syrupy taunting. It reminds me of a cat playing with a ball of yarn.

One of the reasons I had such a great experience of it last night was that I was focusing on being present in the music and I found myself feeling connected to the thread of the church in history. It's the same reason I love hymns. It reminds me that there are people who have gone before that have as much to say to us, or more than, the voices we hear today. I also felt the power of the original language that I did not get to experience the first time around. I have not typically enjoyed singing in German as much as other languages - perhaps that is because I grew up in a home where German was used as a secret code, but that's a conversation for another therapist. I got the power of Brahms writing in his own language for his own people last night like I hadn't before.

I hope that anyone who is in the Bay Area the weekend of August 3rd & 4th can come see the performance. It's going to be a fabulous evening at Davies Symphony Hall. We'd love to have as many folks there all the hall will hold. As you might image, the cost of such an event looms rather large - the orchestra alone costs us $21,000 - so go online, purchase those tickets, and come enjoy.

If the library school thing doesn't work out...

Old Home Weekend

For some reason this weekend I've been contacted by two folks from high school and have virtually checked in on a third. I got a message from one friend through MySpace. It was good to catch up. She's been through some rough stuff, but she seems to be in a good place now. She told me that another person from our class was on as well, so I looked at her page. Sweet Fancy Moses. Let's just say that people change.

The other one was, shall we say, a bit of a crush when I was younger. He was my Jake Ryan . I've seen pictures - the years have treated him well. :-)

Anyone else out there have a Jake Ryan?

A previous post has been removed because I'm trying to be like Jesus

Ok - I'm sorry. I posted a snotty thing because I was irritated on a friend's behalf and it was neither nice nor terribly subtle. I'm a uniter, not a divider.

When I Grow Up...

I've made some life decisions* of late and I'm excited to have a bit of direction for myself. Late in the game, I know, but better late than never.

My favorite job of all time was when I worked at the theology library. It played to my strengths, was great fun, and I really dug it. Unfortunately, it paid well below a living wage and they hired someone who was a complete dolt as my boss and I had to get out. The woman asked an assistant to remind her what a monograph was. Seriously. The Library Director. Dolt. Anyway, I loved it and have always wanted to get back into that world.

There is also a pastoral leaning in me that I believe was put there by God and something I want to pursue, on God's timetable, of course. In order to be ordained in my denomination, I have to finish my MDiv which will take some time and money. Fortunately, I have a plan...

One of the (several) benefits for working for the Khaki Khonglomerate (KK) is the tuition reimbursement program. They will, of course, only reimburse for tuition toward a degree program that could potentially benefit them. Fair enough. Unless the KK institutes some sort of Retail Chaplaincy program, they will most likely not pay for my MDiv work. They will, however, pay for me to get my MLIS (Master of Library & Information Sciences) @ San Jose State, which is an online degree program. Ideally, after I finished that, I could get a job in a theology library and then finish the MDiv for free or cheap. If not, KK has archive departments that could utilize my mad librarian skillz, and the salary is significantly higher so I could pay retail for the MDiv.

School will be in session in Fall 2008. Tough to justify new back-to-school clothes for an online degree, but I be I could make it work.

*the term "life decisions" is used loosely and it is understood that God usually has other things in mind that rarely are in line with my plans.

Open to Suggestion

Hello My People!

I have decided to take what I am calling a "Hometown Vacation" (a la George Costanza) the first week of September. Thanks to the Labor Day holiday and our early dismissal here at the KK on Fridays, I get 9 days for the price of 4!

So - I need suggestions. I know I'm going to the beach, to some museums, Conservatory of Flowers, stuff I can't do when I'm at work. Maybe the Monterey Bay Aquarium, etc. What else would you recommend in this great Bay Area of ours?

Who is dating this woman?

Today I was reading a story on Yahoo!News about this very convoluted plot to rob a bank by locking a bomb around a man's neck. Turns out it was the work of Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong, a woman with a history of mental illness and a strong hatred of men. What we're concerned with today in this post is the number of men who are listed in this story as "former boyfriends." Seriously? Who are these people? She actually killed one in the 80's and claimed it was self-defense. Currently, she's on trial for the murder of two more, and was helped by a couple of others, one of whom is now deceased. The motive for robbing the bank? She wanted to pay someone to kill her father. She also has a strong hatred for Geraldo Rivera, which seems about the only sane thing about her.



This is not one of those "Why don't I have a boyfriend?" whiny posts, because that isn't the issue. The issue is not that I don't have a boyfriend, but that this woman does. Not just A boyfriend, but several. Obviously, there is an issue of the type and quality of men she is dating and I would venture to guess that our tastes are somewhat divergent. It just boggles the mind that she hates the men and can't keep them away from her. She even has a history of MURDERING her boyfriends, and still - always a date on Saturday night. Wow.

So, here's a question

A little food for thought to ease you into a Monday morning from Mark Van Steenwyk's blog...

Do people need to be “converted” to theism before becoming Christians?

Innovations in shopping

I'm into fashion and shopping. Not crazy into it, but I keep up with the trends and happenings. Since I came to work at the Khaki Khonglomerate, I have been reading Womens Wear Daily and have been keeping everyone up on the latest trends in design and fashion, etc. Companies are trying desperately to get us to spend our money on their stuff and they are all trying to come up with the coolest ways for us to do it, basically distracting us with shiny objects so we don't notice that we're spending ridiculous amounts of money.

Before I get into what's happening now, let me give a shout out to Liz Claiborne. Ms. Claiborne passed away this week after a long battle with cancer. She was truly an innovator in ready-to-wear. When I was in high school, it was pointless to show your face on campus without a bag covered in the signature triangle. Even though she'd retired in the late 80's, she played an active role in the designs that bore her name. She will be missed.

On our internal website, the CEO has started blogging about our company and what it means to be creative in this business and what our competitors are doing. He invites employees to comment and make suggestions about what we could be doing better. One guy came up with what I think is FREAKING COOL! Of course this will never happen, but just imagine it: a basics vending machine. That's right - a jeans/t-shirt/tank top vending machine. Maybe gift cards too. Wouldn't that be fantastic? You could pop in your card and out comes that white t-shirt you've been meaning to pick up but didn't want to wait in line for. I think it's brilliant. I hope someone doesn't steal it.

From the theoretical to the actual: Ralph Lauren's London flagship has debuted 24 hour Touch-screen window shopping. That's right. You're out, the pubs have closed, and you realize that you need socks or a polo shirt, or perhaps a cashmere sweater. You just happen to walk by the Ralph Lauren store and there is your chance. View the entire catalog, add items to your cart and even get tennis tips. Seriously. Tennis tips.

On the Move

Life is change. We all know that. However, this seems to be a season of great upheaval - not in a bad way, just in a perpetual motion way.

Here's all the moving that's going on:

1. I'm moving on Sunday
2. My friends Kristen & Joshua are moving 2 weeks later
3. My pastor Bruce and his familiy are moving
4. One of my co-workers is moving at the end of July
5. The girl in the cube next to me is moving mid-July
6. 2 (TWO) of the attorneys in my dept. here got engaged over the weekend. Needless to say, I'm now bringing my own water. However, they're both moving next month as well.
7. My mom just got a new job, but still with the state, so she moved offices.

The biggest thing in my world now is that my office is moving in September. They say September, but it will most likely be later in the fall. Khaki Khonglomerate (KK) is leasing our building to Massive Viral Video (MVV). We're moving across the street to the other building that KK owns but the big bad news is that we're losing our gym. I hope and pray that MVV will have pity on our pants-related plight and let us work out there still, but that is highly unlikely. I am trying to focus on the fact that we're re-locating to save massive amounts of money and while I'm losing a gym, I'm keeping a job. There still is some grieving, however, as I love the place, love my yoga class, love the convenience of working out at lunch. Big picture: there are people starving in the former Yugoslavia. I'm ok.

My Secret Shame

I've decided to come clean. For years I have kept hidden my irrational love for '80's spy dramedy Scarecrow & Mrs. King. Whenever I would be asked what my favorite TV show of all time has been I would avert my eyes, shuffle my feet and say "thirtysomething." Now, I love me some thirtysomething - it's definitely in my top 5.

Scarecrow & Mrs. King was on from 1983 - 1987, which puts me ages 11 - 15, which would be part of my excuse, but I still watch it. I love the Cold War-era drama, uber-80s wardrobe, Amanda King's sassy station wagon, Francine Desmond's hair wings of death, Billy's stern scowl at all of Scarecrow's unorthodox crime-fighting methods, the cheesy sets, horrible stunts and over-the-top acting.

But most of all, I was in LOVE with Bruce Boxleitner. The WASPy, tall, feathered hair-edness of it all. I was mesmerized by him. I also love that Kate Jackson was the one that solved all the cases, even though Scarecrow fancied himself the superior agent. Granted, she did so as a ditzy, rambling den mother to two Junior Trailblazers, but she still always figured it out.

I have recently discovered that AOL Video has a channel called In2Tv and in their Drama section, they offer many of the 88 episodes for free, so I've been watching them as I pack and move. It's been total heaven, and I've decided not to hide it any more.

My name is Tiffany, and I love Scarecrow & Mrs. King.

The Pen is Mightier than the Pokey

Baby neice Chloe - who isn't much of a baby any more - just got a haircut kind of like Dora the Explorer's, which is what she calls it, and it's very cute. Cuter still, however is how freaking smart she is. I know, I know. I'm crazy, doting Auntie Tiffy.

My parents have the kids every Tuesday night and so this last week, Chloe had a piece of paper on which she had drawn Leo from Little Einsteins, cactus, and a tricycle and she had made some scribbles that were supposed to be words." She folded it in half and came to my mother and said she wanted to read her the story of Leo. So, she told my mother a tale of Leo, riding his tricycle, minding his own business, when he fell into a cactus and got "pokies in his skin." He had to rest and rest and rest and then he felt better. The End. Cute, right?

When my brother and sister-in-law got home, my mom was telling them this story and Lisa (sister-in-law) said that that had happened to her as a child and she had just told that story to Chloe a few days before. So, my little Chloe Capote had taken that story, drawn it, and re-told it about Leo. Do you realize what this means for our family? We are all going to end up in some horrible dysfunctional family novel that will one day be turned into a Lifetime Original Movie. At least someone in our family will profit from the crazy.

Calming the hell down

OK - so the last post was a bit angry. I was venting on behalf of friends who have been hurt and also re-living some of my own hurt at the hands of those who use their powers for evil. In the interest of equality, I will point the spotlight on to my own shortcomings, and believe me, they are legion.

I was meeting with my Spiritual Director, Maggie, a week or two ago, and she said a couple of things that challenged me. Just because I pay her to do it, doesn't mean I like it. The first thing she asked me was, "Do you love people?" Of course, my answer was no. Who does? Kidding. A little. I first asked her what she meant by that, because "love" is a robust word. Love. I don't know. I have compassion for, I listen to, I help, I encourage, I challenge. Do I love?

The second thing was that she thinks I need to get over a lot of hurt. Duh. Who doesn't? I have been pondering that and the specific situations to which she was referring and have done some praying and processing, and those loads are definitely lighter. I tend to hold on to things way too long and I know that I have some stuff to work out before I get into pastoral ministry, not that I'll ever be perfect on that. But, I do have some time, what with the care process and then having to somehow finish my MDiv in all of this.

What a process all of this is - this "life" & "call" thing. Sometimes it seems to have no point, and sometimes it couldn't be more relevant. I walk around most of the time balancing on the fine line between recognizing and being grateful for my gifts and feeling wholly inadequate. An obvious human condition, to be sure, but not one that's easy to acknowledge. I'd love to have it all together, and, more importantly have people think I have it all together, but I don't. There it is. Do we have to hug now?

Hey, White Male Pastors...

stop being freaking a--holes. I'm a little tired of it. I am fortunate to not be in a situation where that's an issue (Thanks be to God!). However, I have had a number of experiences with the WMPs and there are very few good stories, and recently, I've had two very dear friends be recently screwed over (yet again) by such folks and it really needs to stop. Let me just put a few thoughts out there:

1. Women, people of color, etc., basically anyone not white or male, is not necessarily trying to usurp your historic seat of power, or take your tee time. For many of us, it's not about power; it's about being the body of Christ, which is kind of supposed to have a lot of different parts.

2. You are not the Holy Spirit. God gives gifts and calls people and you don't get to say who gets to exercise your gifts and who doesn't.

3. If you are trying to make some huge statement about valuing women in ministry and then are given a hiring choice b/t an equally qualified woman and white guy, and you pick the white guy, any previous statements you made are null and void. And you don't get to play the "experience" card. White guys get hired as pastors right out of seminary all the time.

4. Wearing sandals and a fauxhawk doesn't make you post-modern. Valuing stories over structures does. Hyper-programming of an event that is supposed to be somewhat fluid while wearing sandals and a fauxhawk makes you modern in post-modern drag. Hyper-programming an event where all the leaders just "happened" to have books just come out makes you not only modern, but very close to being "The Man."

Now, go do your jobs and stop screwing over my friends. Let other people into your club, and stop making all your big ministry decisions on the golf course.

What's on your mind?

WRITE EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, AND DON’T CHANGE IT

1. Your ‘ex’ and You: should remain exes

2. I am listening to: Indigo Girls

3. Maybe I should: work

4. I love: my family

6. I don’t understand: why there is no number 5. and math.

7. I have lost A LOT: of time

8. I last ate: an apple

9. The meaning of my display name is: my name

11. Someday: I will be an adult

12. I will always: drink coffee in the morning

13. Love seems to: create a lot of confusion

14. I never ever want to lose: the fork

15. My myspace is: embarassing

17. I get annoyed when: people have loud, personal phone conversations in public

18. Parties: are better when they're small

19. Simple Kisses: don't exist

20. Today I : got up early

21. I wish: I could go home

IS YOUR/ARE YOU

01. is your hair wet?: no

02. is your cell phone right by you?: No

03. do you miss someone? yes - my babies!

04. are you wearing chapstick? no

05. are you tired?: yup

06. are you wearing pajamas?: nope

07. are you mad? no

09. are you upset? no

HAVE YOU

01. recently done anything you regret? no

02. ever lied? unfortunately, yes

03. ever stuck gum under a desk?: no

04. ever kicked someone?: probably my brother when we were kids

05. ever tripped over your own feet?: indeed I have

TODAY HAVE YOU:

01. have you cursed?: did the sun come up? then, yes

02. have you gotten mad at someone?: no

RANDOM-Q:

is there a person who is on your mind right now?: Chloe

severalQ: do you have any siblings? 1 brother

Q: do you want children? no

Q: do you smile often? I try

Q: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? no

Q: do you like your handwriting? sometimes

Q: are your toenails painted?: yes

Q: are you a friendly person?: sometimes

Q: who’s bed other than yours do you sleep in?: usually just mine

Q: what color shirt are you wearing?: blue

Q: what were you doing at 8pm yesterday?: cleaning

Q: I can’t wait to: get this move over with

No Reason

Ever have one of those days where it's tough to be motivated to even blink? Totally having one of those right now. I have work to do, yet not totally into it.

I watched the Hollywoodland movie last night - not bad. Not great, but not bad. The performances were pretty good, especially Ben Affleck and Diane Lane. I've always been a big, big Ben Affleck fan, beginning with Chasing Amy, one of my favorite films of all time. I think he's a very good actor, just picked some crappy films. Diane Lane, I also love, particularly in Unfaithful. Adrian Brody, however? Almost cartoonish attempt at a Humphrey Bogart impersonation. He salvaged it at the end with the whole "drunk dad" scene, but overall, not my favorite.

I am attending an event tomorrow that I'm anticipating will have some cringe-worthy moments. I'm very seriously considering live-blogging it, so I don't forget anything good. I thought about going in with an open mind, but I've gone the other way. I'm looking forward to find creative ways to mock in the cyber world while keeping everyone's identities on the DL. Is that wrong?

Saw a great movie the other night - Waitress - excellent, well done film. The story of Adrienne Shelly, who wrote, directed, and plays a supporting role in the film, is a tragic one and makes its story of hope all the more poingnant. I highly recommend.

Last night, I was cleaning and organizing in preparation for the big move and I popped in season 1 of Grey's Anatomy to entertain me. Such good TV. After a fairly hit-and-miss season replete with off-screen drama, it was lovely to remind myself of what fun brain candy TV can be.

I've watced this video of Tom Wilson again recently, and I have to say, the man is funny. Go Biff!

Faith & Values Forum

Last night a few of us from MBCC gathered to watch the Faith, Values & Poverty forum broadcast on CNN and hosted by Sojourners. It was interesting to hear the leading Democratic candidates address these issues, as much as they had time in this short forum. A few thoughts:

1. The format sucked.
Each person was given 15 minutes to answer random faith-related questions. No two candidates got the same questions and they were up on the platform individually so the viewers didn't have the opportunity to compare their views.

2. Soledad O'Brien is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
She actually asked John Edwards what the biggest sin was that he'd ever committed. Seriously.

3. The media is, in general, ridiculous.
Of all the things put forth - Edwards' plan to eradicate poverty, Obama's desire to pair experienced nurses with inexperienced parents and to deal with the minimum wage, Clinton's desire to create dialogue between pro-Life and pro-Choice leadership - the only sound bite that has been circulated is Hillary Clinton's discussion of how her faith got her through her husband's infidelity. GET OVER IT.

I'm really glad that Sojourners and the candidates did this, and I'm looking forward to when they do the same thing with the Republican candidates. Most people there were surprised at Obama's strong pro-Israel stance, which is understood, given his church background. John Edwards said he had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ about 80 times and Hilary used enough "Christianese" to please even the staunchest of Conservatives. I want to not be cynical and say they were prepped well, because realistically, they were. That, however, does not mean that they don't believe what they said. I'm hoping this is only the beginning of this conversation and that we'll hear more from these candidates on both sides.

Red, White and Pentecost

Last weekend I went home to play with my babies and I went to my brother's church b/c he had coordinated the music. The boy did a damned fine job - I think he's gonna make it ;-) It was Memorial Day and their church, handled it half ok. The pastor got up and acknowledged that it was a day of honoring those who've died for our country and talked about how his family lost several people around Memorial Day so it was a way for them to remember them as well. Basically he acknowledged it, but talked about the importance of remembering everyone we've lost that we've loved. Not bad. Of course, there was no mention of Pentecost, b/c it's an Evangelical non-denominational church - which is why he handled it half ok.

Then, we went to my parents' church. It was, in a word, horrifying. I am usually not offended at their church at all. It's a white, suburban, middle class mega church but it's pretty decent most of the time. They have the occasional gaffe, but otherwise, ok. I happened to be there on the day of what I consider a gaffe. I attribute it to more of a theological thoughtlessness than anything else. They're good people who mean very well. Here's how it went:

We began our service with a medley (MEDLEY) of patriotic songs. Such a peeve of mine, the patriotic songs in church. Not the patriotic songs - I'm fine with them - just not in a worship service. I think that's inappropriate. Then we had a very weak segue between the patriotic songs to actual church worship songs with a correlation b/t our freedom as Americans and the freedom Christ purchased for us on the cross. ACK! The worst was the song was "That's Why We Praise Him," we were basically praising God for being Americans. It was nationalistic and creepy. I did not participate.

Here's why I'm so opposed. It was Pentecost. PENTECOST. Traditionally when we celebrate the beginning of the church. We were in church. Do you see where I'm going with this? It seemed like such a great opportunity to not only be grateful for those who have sacrificed for us in this country, but to focus on the fact that scripture tells us that we're not citizens of this world, but merely travelers and Pentecost was the beginning of the community that gives us our real identity. To draw a correlation between the freedom Christ brings and the freedoms we have in this country is no different than those in Jesus' time who wanted him to be a political Messiah. Jesus constantly stressed that the kingdom of God is in people's hearts. It also seemed like such a missed opportunity to show how God speaks to people in ways that they can hear the best and it's a lesson to us not to have a prepared script when we speak to people about Jesus, but to speak to them in their own "language."

At my brother's church, they'd let the youth guy preach, which is rarely a good idea, so I started reading Malachi, and I thought a lot about it later as I sat amongst people who were equating their faith with their patriotism. Malachi details the reasons that God is disappointed in Israel's performance as a nation and it gives a pretty detailed list of what God is looking for in God's people.

God was unhappy with Israel because:
1. The priests were corrupt
2. The sacrifices offered were sub-standard
3. Divorce was rampant
4. They were robbing God by withholding their tithes from the community storehouses where everyone got their food
5. They were withholding justice from the poor, the laborers and the foreigners among them

Sound familiar?